Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Golden Lie

I just finished reading Meg's blog, and it reminded me that the last novel I'd finished was almost 3 years ago. And I still haven't gotten around to sending it off.

Golden Lie (which, compared to more serious stuff, doesn't even rise to what Graham Greene called "an entertainment") is a thriller/action/adventure story set here in the Upstate, mostly on and around Lake Hartwell.

I sorta envisioned it as a mainstream series revolving around a central character, Steve Case. That's right, I wrote it for the bucks.

The second draft came out to 532 pages ... forgive the flaws; here's the prologue and Chapter 1.

-----------------------------------------------------

PROLOGUE

Friday October 23, 1891

Phoenix, Arizona Territory

The old man had not moved in two days.

Except for the feeble, barely discernible rise and fall of his chest, he appeared to have been dead for some time. Whatever color that had once pasted his cheeks was gone, replaced with a gray miner’s pallor of ash and stone. His arms and legs resembled sticks jutting from the sheets and his hands appeared gnarled into claws, intent upon digging his own grave.

The unheated room was dingy, sour with the stench of sweat and unwashed clothes. The window shades were pulled and although the sun would rise for in another three hours, the woman doubted whether he would live long enough to see it.

The old man had lived in this room since spring, when he had been discovered clinging to a tree near his one room hut beside the Salt River after the worst storms she could remember caused the stream to overflow its banks. The swollen, fast moving current had trapped him there for almost five days, before she thought to dispatch her son to accompany the Sheriff and bring the old man back to town. Since then he seemed to have regained some of his strength, but now she felt certain the pneumonia had returned because his condition seemed to deteriorate with each passing day.

He lay on his back with his eyes glued to a dark spot on the ceiling. The woman standing beside him wiped the sweat from his forehead with a cloth and watched his chest to see if it moved. Her face was oddly impassive. She knew next to nothing about him, only that he was German, and that prior to moving to Phoenix he was a prospector, and that he called himself Jacob.

She closed her eyes and murmured a prayer that death would take him soon.

Jacob was a queer one, even among the hordes of drifters and scoundrels who seasonally teemed through Phoenix. Men who’d fled their families and children back east on their way to riches and fortunes, itinerants and ne’er-do-wells who made and spent fortunes with equal indifference; they were hard-drinking, hard-living men who seemed out of place everywhere, men with visions lost in time as the twin devils of railroads and barbed wire fences closed the last frontiers, and carpeted the American frontier with civilization. They came West with dreams of prospecting for silver and gold, and almost all stumbled down from the mountains broken and disillusioned.

The old man suddenly stirred and gasped.

The woman, whose name was Julia Thomas, took a step back and clutched a hand to her heart. His eyelids blinked furiously, struggling to bring the room into focus. His breath rattled between his parched lips, and a single word resonated from his throat.

Gold.”

Julia loosened the sheet covering the old prospector’s chest. “Jacob, what did you say?”

“My gold. Where is the gold?”

She laid her hand across his forehead, puzzled because the old man’s temperature seemed normal. He clearly was suffering from fever, and yet ...

“Try to lay still, Jacob. There’s no need ...”

The old man pushed her hand away and struggled to push himself up.

“Under the bed,” he hissed. “In the candle box.”

She wanted to ignore him, to wait for a moment until his delusion passed and death came to claim him. But what was he trying to tell her?

The fear in the old man’s face swelled to anger.

“Look under the bed!”

Julia sighed and wiped the perspiration from her face with a fresh cloth.

“Very well. But there’s no point getting yourself riled up when you need your rest.”

She bent beside the bed on one knee, lifted the cover, and thrust her hand underneath. She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth against the fear that a mouse, or more likely a rat, waited in the darkness to bite a chunk of flesh from her fingers. She tried not to think about that, and decided that if she humored him, maybe the old German would fall back asleep for good and she would be done with him forever.

On the other hand, maybe she would find a small cache of gold powder or nuggets under the bed: the old man certainly lived frugally enough, yet he always had cash on hand whenever a friend seemed to need it. Even an ounce or two of gold would help defray the cost of his burial; so far as anyone knew, the old man had no wife or family to claim his body, and she was reluctant to handle the funeral arrangements for a charity case. And a foreigner at that.

Her fingers touched the rusted edges of a metal container. About the size of a breadbox, the top was covered with a thick layer of dust and grime. She needed both hands to pull the box from under the bed and she struggled lifting it to the night stand. The box was heavy, and her back sagged with the effort.

The old man’s face showed sudden relief as soon as he saw the box. He gestured with his hand and sighed.

“Open it.”

Julia shrugged and pried the box open with her thumbs. As her eyes focused in the dim light an unconscious gasp rushed from her throat. She touched her hand to the object and ran her finger over its coarse surface. Gold. A single nugget more than twice the side of a ladies’ shoe.

“Go on. I want you to have it.”

“But is it ...?”

He nodded and his whiskers settled like straw on his chest.

“That’s all that’s left.”

Julia trembled as she picked up the nugget. The rock was heavy, much heavier than she expected. At least twenty, maybe as much as thirty pounds. The yellow metal flowed in veins thicker than her wrists through the glowing white quartz. She jumped as the old man’s hand clamped down on her wrist.

“But there’s more,” he gasped. “More than fifty ... more than a thousand wagons could carry.”

“Where, Jacob? Where’s the rest of your gold?”

The bedroom door swung open and Julia’s stepson stepped through the threshold. Julia pushed the nugget back into the box and clamped the lid down tight.

“What’s wrong with the Dutchman?”

“Close the door!” She motioned the boy to join her beside the bed.

From her apron she produced a nub of pencil and a stained fragment of foolscap, which she thrust into her stepson’s hand. Her eyes glared as she mouthed the words, “Write it down.” She sat on the bed and pushed her fingers through the old man’s greasy hair.

“Now Mr. Waltz,” she began sweetly, “you go ahead and tell me where we can find the rest of your gold.”

--------------------------------------

Chapter 1

Lake Hartwell, South Carolina

The twenty-six foot wood cabin cruiser rolled gently on the lake’s glassy surface. Steve Case glanced over his shoulder at the nearest shore, more than a mile from where they were anchored, before hoisting the scuba tank onto his back and tightening the straps across his chest and waist. He kept an eye out for any traffic that might be headed in their direction and seeing they had this portion of the lake to themselves, he turned to the two men standing near the transom and watched as they struggled with their tanks.

“The water’s not that deep, but there’s not much visibility near the bottom. I want both of you to stay close and be aware of your surroundings. Even experienced divers have drowned from getting tangled in rotting branches and limbs.”

The taller man grunted and fingered the diving knife on his belt.

“That’s the third time you’ve told us. We hired you to be a guide, not our nurse.” He slipped the knife into its sheath and flexed the fingers on his right hand before curling them into a fist. Case sat on the transom and pulled on his fins.

“Well, I told you the rules before we left the dock. We’ll be breaking the law as soon as we go over the side, so I can turn around right now if there’s any problem deciding who’s in charge.”

The older, more slightly built man shrugged.

“All Calvin’s saying is that we’re not amateurs. Between us, we have more than twenty years of diving experience.” His voice was calm and reassuring, but the condescending tone put Case on edge.

“And besides not getting arrested, I want to make sure you each get twenty more.” Case checked his regulator and turned the valve to adjust the air flow.

The two men had arrived at his dock just before noon, eager to book a one-hour dive at the submerged Friendship town site. Neither man had a diving license but they paid cash up front, all in fresh twenties and fifties. Business was slack during the late summer, and Case welcomed the unexpected windfall despite what the men had asked him to do. He nonetheless booked the dive as a lesson to at least keep the paperwork legal, and fitted each man with tanks and gear. The older man had taken charge of the transaction, and signed an illegible scrawl on the receipt.

Al stood slowly with the cumbersome weight and checked his watch. “How much time will we have on the bottom?”

“If we maintain a fifteen minute reserve, we’ll have at least thirty minutes on the bottom.”

Calvin shot a glance at Al. “We paid for a full hour.”

“Your hour started as soon as we left the dock. We’re already taking enough chances as it is, and if we stay anchored here more than thirty minutes, someone’s liable to notice the boat and start getting suspicious.”

Al checked the beam on his diving light and glanced across the gunwale at the surface. “Thirty minutes will be plenty. All we need is a quick look at the site.”

Case lowered his mask and adjusted the fit to his face. He gave a thumbs-up, gripped the mask, and slipped over the side. Ten feet below the surface his descent stabilized, and he floated motionlessly in the boat’s quivering shadow as the two clients appeared beside him.

Case waited as the bubbles cleared and each diver adjusted his buoyancy vest. Both men returned his thumbs-up and then he pointed at the bottom. The pressure against his eardrums intensified almost immediately and he swallowed as hard as he could to relieve the strain as he swam to the bottom.

Twenty feet below the lake’s surface, the muddy clay bottom roiled as the three divers kicked ahead into the blackness. Their powerful handheld lights reached only a few yards into the swirling silt before fading into the inky, unsettled murk.

Case checked the compass attached to his wrist. Not much current on the lake bottom, but even the slightest drift could push them off course, and with the least deviation they might overshoot their target. He calculated their objective was only a dozen or so meters ahead, and motioned the two other divers to stay close behind.

The two men nodded and followed single file. Case switched the light to his left hand and casually played it along the bottom. Not much to see here, just the occasional beer can, an old tennis shoe, the rusted shell of a barbecue grill, and the ubiquitous stumps and tree limbs that could tangle and snarl a diver’s gear before he had the slightest hint of danger.

He exhaled and watched the silver column of bubbles surge to the surface. Escaping toward the light. The bubbles fluttered and disappeared overhead. He had accompanied student divers who could never adjust to the foreign sensations and the unnatural dependence on compressed air. Other first-timers found the experience claustrophobic, but Case found each dive exhilarating, and as natural as walking upright.

Then his beam struck a broken stone wall. His pulse quickened and he swam ahead with quick easy strokes, swinging the light back and forth across the forgotten site. A rotting door. A wagon wheel. A barely recognizable combine. Rotted boards and planks lay strewn across the silt as if deposited there by a giant hand.

In 1962 the Army Corps of Engineers had flooded the northeastern Georgia low-country along the Savannah River to create a lake for a new hydroelectric dam. A few private farm houses were jacked onto trucks and relocated before the flood gates opened, but most properties were judged too unstable or impractical for relocation, and were left to drown beneath the surge of the new reservoir.

Not much interest remained in the lost community following its disappearance. Even now, only an occasional sport diver expressed much desire to explore the scattered foundations, junked automobiles, and structural debris littering the lake bottom. In another decade corrosion and silt would reclaim all that remained, but the Corps maintained a strict policy requiring an application and an expensive permit before divers were allowed near the site. This policy had been put into effect to prevent souvenir hunters from vandalizing the historic location, and violations were considered a Federal offense with prison time often resulting for offenders caught with artifacts in their possession.

Al had claimed his ancestors lived near the site late in the late 19th century, and with a day off between appointments during a business trip to the upstate, this was his lucky opportunity to visit a lost part of his heritage. Not that Al’s interest in the submerged community mattered much to Case: he had collected his fee before leaving the dock. What mattered was guaranteeing that the next thirty minutes under the surface passed without detection from a passing Wildlife patrol.

A disembodied thunk echoed into his diving mask. Steve whirled around and froze.

His clients had vanished behind him, absorbed within the swirling layers of sand and silt. He held his breath and listened but there was only the sound of air bubbles escaping from his regulator. Ca-thunk.

Louder this time. About twenty yards to his left.

Steve swung his light back and forth in the sound’s direction. Nothing. Silt and suspended organic particles obscured his vision and prevented him from seeing more than a few yards ahead. Then the sound became steady, rhythmic and deliberate.

He swam ahead and spotted a faint beam of light arcing through the murk. As he swam to the light his beam revealed tombstones canted at odd angles along the bottom. Somewhere off to his right stood the stone walls of an old Baptist church dating from the 1850s.

Forty years ago, when no one claimed forgotten friends or relatives, the Corps of Engineers allowed the graves to remain undisturbed where they lay. Over the years, he had heard rumors that more than two hundred bodies remained interred in the lake bottom.

The tap tap tap became louder, and more distinct.

Then his light struck Al’s bent-over form, reclined at an odd angle on the bottom. Calvin was crouched protectively beside him. Calvin noticed the beam from Case’s light and suddenly jerked upright. Al tugged Calvin’s arm, and both men exchanged glances and waved Case close.

As he approached Steve saw the two men hovering beside an algae-stained tombstone. Neither man seemed injured or in distress, and then his light caught a flash of steel from the claw-shaped pick in Calvin’s hand. Case gestured “What’s up?” just as Al whirled around with his diving knife cocked in the striking position.

Case grabbed Calvin’s wrist with both hands but the serrated blade was already a blur of motion. The knife whipped past his chin, passing just inches from his throat. The next attack glanced off his mask and severed his air hose as Case turned to avoid the stroke.

Instinctively Case lunged at the other man’s mask, but Calvin was stronger, and had anticipated the move. He twisted Case’s wrist and punched his chest with the blunt hilt of his knife.

The air rushed from his lungs in a painful burst. Case kicked toward the surface, simultaneously fumbling with the emergency valve on his buoyancy vest. But Calvin slashed the bladders before the vest fully inflated, and a vise-like grip seized Case’s ankle as he tried swimming away.

Case struggled to release and free himself from his harness, but the effort foolishly wasted what little air remained in his lungs. He gasped and choked as water surged down his throat. Glowing white orbs scorched and burned the edges of his vision. The bigger man’s bulk was dragging him down, away from the oxygen his body desperately craved.

The spotlight slipped free from Case’s wrist. He watched with idle detachment as the light corkscrewed out of sight to the bottom. He was drowning, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Then the world around him dimmed, and his muscles twitched and relaxed involuntarily as he began helplessly sinking into the depths.

Want Fries With That?


There aren't any fast food chains in Tanzania ... none. Which means pretty much anything that's handed to you to eat starts looking awfully good- and tastes delicious, too.

We were in Kwedigole during a rare (maybe not even every 20 years) triple event: a circumciscion, a wedding (the bridge came with a 400 cow dowry ... the average is 6-7!) and a ceremony marking a warrior's transition to becoming an elder, all occuring simultaneously.

With that many guys standing around, wasn't long before we started having Masai Big Mac Attacks. This 50-second video is a quick visit to The Bush Drive-Thru.

And No, no one complained or pouted that their waitress was too slow, or that their steak wasn't cooked to order, and nobody demanded to speak to the tribe's chief because somebody in the kitchen forgot to add mustard.

Maybe those short stabbing simis everybody carries had something to do with it.

Video Updates

Yesterday I posted a few more short video clips from last year's trip to Tanzania at youtube.com

Take a look if you get a chance.

Baptism (people actually clapping in church?!)
There Is A Fountain (thanks to McD for "naming that tune" ... my Englsih not so beddy good)
Favorite Swahili Church Song

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Uh oh ..... Uh Oh!

I got one of those little weather report extensions hooked up to my Firefox.

According to the latest data, it's snowing right now in downtown Anderson.

Soon as I get back from buying bread and milk at Publingle's I'm climbing on board Ben, battening the hatches and throwing out both anchors, and then hunkering down to wait out the storm.

It looks clear outside to me, but then who am I to question what's on the interweb?

ps. Can you stir fry bread in milk and call it won ton?

I Don't Get It (... and why I'm gonna quit trying to)

Sometimes people will pray and ask God to give them "a sign" to help them know His direction for their lives.

Other people look for critical answers from Heaven by flipping open their Bibles and interpreting whatever verse they come to as a divine revelation of God's plan for their lives.

Now I never jab my finger at random Bible verses to find answers but last night before going to sleep my Bible did just happen to open to ...*

I'm not one to ask for signs ... cause it usually takes hitting me upside the head with the sign post before I get the message. But around 3:00 AM this morning, let's just say both sides of my head were swollen like pumpkins.

Yesterday I got it. Yesterday I realized again that God's plan is so much bigger than mine, and I should forget all about trying to add my puny input or suggestions. I can't see the Big Picture ... though maybe I'm getting better about seeing the artist's signature inside the picture.

Things started off when the real mccoy stopped by unexpectedly during lunch. In a few minutes I was talking about Africa (again), drove home fired-up and ended up e-mailing Vernon at 9 PM (that's 2 AM in Dar es Salaam) about visiting TZ again ... though I didn't expect a reply before the end of the week.

But then I was up at 2:45 this morning (gotta wonder why) and there's not much to do in The Electric City at that hour, except check e-mail.

Vernon had written back "Shikamoo! Sisi hatujambo" ["Greetings! We're fine"] at 5:45 AM Tanzania time to say he was up so early because he was about to walk out the door for a 3-hour dirt bike ride through the bush to Mwanza ... the same place where last week 15 of 50 young people in the congregation accepted Christ and had their lives changed forever.

Travelling alone by motorcycle on six-hour round trips through rural Africa is awesome enough, but here's the exciting part: construction on a new 2-story, 12 classroom educational building at Vernon's church, and a new 150-seat church building in a "blowing and growing" neighborhood in Arusha, is about to get started.

A new building and a new church ... both in a country where the average annual income is less than $700. ... it didn't seem humanly possible. And Vernon added an overt hint about being there for the opening.

Talk about miracles and the importance of staying focused. Talk about how God's plan is bigger than anything we can imagine. God always answers prayers ... especially when leaders are committed to preaching and sharing the Gospel to countries and communities where so many people are anxious and ready to receive Christ.


God willing, I'm gonna be there to see both buildings when they open.

Recent news about Vernon and Mary's mission work in Tanzania here.

PS. Ever had a song that keeps popping back up ... and you can't get it out of your head? This one's at the top of my playlist ... though I hope it doesn't pop up while I'm driving.

If your laptop won't do video, shoot me an e-mail and I'll send you the audio mp3 version.

*- Proverbs 31:8-31

Sunday, September 10, 2006

College Football Recap

Clemson vs Boston College
Doesn't matter what the referees said; during that reception attempt inside the Tiger's Red Zone the Boston College receiver lost possesion of the football during a mid-air collision with one of two Clemson defenders. After hitting the ground it seemed clear enough that the other Clemson players had come down with the ball.

Critical mistake by the officials and besides, the video replay was insufficient evidence to overrule the call on the field.

Georgia vs USC
Spurrier's offense is explosive. The problem is it's still too early in the season for the new starting players to harness and control the awesomeness of their overall potential.

The true highlight of the game came right before a commercial break in the third quarter, when a kid in the stands pulled up his Gamecocks t-shirt and showed the Clemson Tigers shirt he was wearing underneath.

Which goes to show nobody likes Georgia, not even the people who live there.

Florida St. vs Troy
After yesterday's debacle I've changed my prediction about the results when the Clemson faces Bobby Bowden's team next week in Tallahassee.

The Tigers are gonna chew up Doak Campbell Stadium to the tune of FSU's infamous war- chant ... and leave the Seminoles singing castrato in front of their hometown crowd.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Monza Monza

The Grand Prix of Italy will be raced tomorrow morning at Monza, and broadcast live at 7am on speedtv.

So what if it's one of the granddaddys of all F1 racing, and one of the two most demanding races on the Formula 1 circuit?

The 1966 classic film Grand Prix includes the notoriously-banked curves, which have not been actually used during a race at Monza since the early 1960s, so to me Monza has always been something of a ripoff.

But the steepness of those long curves seem to reach to the clouds and are spectacular to see even if the movie-race is fake; the Monza race sequence by itself makes the entire movie worthwhile.

The real action will come at the end of tomorrow's race, when Ferrari "reads from a white sheet of paper" who their drivers will be for next season. Could be aging veteran Michael Schumacher's most humiliating moment, just as he's about to retire after earning all but one F1 world record.

Might be shameful on Ferrari's part, especially after Schumacher's incredible tenure at the stable of the prancing stallion ... sorta like what happens to Jean-Pierre Sarti [played by Yves Montand) in Grand Prix.

Who says life doesn't imitate art?

---

Whadya say, is it too late to do a Saturday Playlist? Sure, why not. The neighbors are already restless.

"What I Like ABout You" - The Romantics

"Black Magic Woman" - Santana live in South America. (Everybody who drops by The Blue Book must love this song, judging from the reaction it gets. It's amazing.)

"Up-Tight (Out of Sight)" - Stevie Wonder

Friday, September 08, 2006

Friday Video Adventures


Along the 90-mile dirt "road" to the Masai village near Kwedigole, Vernon and I passed through a small village that had a connection (I forget exactly what) to David Livingstone, the guy of "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?" fame.

Although his body was returned to Westminster Abbey in London, Livingstone's heart was buried in Africa.


Here's a short clip of Daniel's congregation singing in Masai during an open-air service. More about Daniel in the next few days.

I always thought David Livingstone was a fascinating guy, and not just because we share the same birthday.


One afternoon Vernon, Mary, Tom and Joanne's son Jonathan and I took their dirt bikes (import taxes make cars staggeringly expensive in TZ) over to Kwa Kuahinia, a dustbowl of arid land bissecting the Tarangire National Park, not far from the Serengetti plain.

That meant during the dry season, game living within the Park migrates through the areas where we'd be riding. Sounded like a great opportunity to see wild animals up close.

As the bikes were being unloaded Vernon and Mary told me that two weeks before, a tourist riding his bike through the same area had been snagged by a lion, and warned me to not to get "in the bushes" ... because lions knew what trails game animals used during migration, and sometimes waited beside them for lunch to be delivered.

"Bushes" means any growth more than knee high: a full-grown lion or lioness can hide behind a dried stick of brush that couldn't conceal a bowling ball.

I grinned and thought to myself, "Do they think I fell off a coconut truck?" (It helps if you understand the Missionary sense of humor).

Then about about two hours later, in the middle of absolutely nowhere, Vernon abruptly stopped and announced the time had come for my "Initiation."

He asked if I thought I could find my way back to the truck: the Initiation Ritual involved me navigating my way without their assistance. By myself. I thought we'd parked about 7 miles away and confidently announced, "Sure."

Vernon said, "Good," snapped his visor shut and thundered off with Mary and Jonathan, leaving me with my engine idling ... and my mouth stuck wide open.

I got lost in about 10 minutes, and ended up having to ride through a Masai village before finally finding the highway, after spending more than an hour of picking and re-tracing my way through boulders, thornbush and lots of deadends.

But I made it, and passed the Initiation.

Back at the truck I told Vernon they shouldn't have teased me with stories about lions eating tourists on motorcycles.

Vernon's and Mary's faces grew suddenly grave. "Oh no. We were serious. We'd never joke about anything like that."

The unhappy, stomach-turning truth is that I'd spent the past hour lost in the bushes, thinking about lions ... and how big their tracks look without bars around them.

Next Best Thing to Being There


This morning I uploaded a 30-second video clip of Patrick preaching in Arusha.

See how many ki-Swahili words you can pick out ...

Thursday, September 07, 2006

30x40


I like this image of Judith, though can't help but imagine what'd it be like enlarged to 30x40". Next time I'm gonna load up some film holders and use the 8x10 instead.

Original HP5 6x7 negative developed N in T-Max; digitally scanned for reproduction. No alterations or digital manipulation.

Notes from Ken M.

Just got this e-mail, which seemed worth (a) passing along, and (b) pinning to my forehead:

It is not bad thing to start long and then cut, cut, cut. To the end
of his days, Jefferson thought his long draft of the Declaration of
Independence was superior to the finished product; but I have read both, and Jefferson was wrong by far.

(Nick, no point adding any "Amens") hee hee

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Relationships

They can be great and awful at the same time, eh?

Especially the ones that start with companionship, quietly grow into love, and end with you learning more about yourself than you thought existed.

What you're looking for is a relationship that lasts.

Wednesday Night Playlist:

"Bill Withers Live At Carnegie Hall" - Hope She'll Be Happier With Him

So long old friend. Farewell. Adieu.

Knocked Conscious


There's an old adage in boxing that says, "The punch you don't see coming is the one that's gonna knock you out."

Meaning that even a the quickest glimpse of the right cross that's about to take your head off is sufficient for your body to brace itself for the impact coming your way. Here's a punch I didn't see coming.

One of the three most remarkable men I've ever met is a preacher from Turiani (Tanzania) named Patrick Mgaya.

Patrick arrived to visit us in Arusha after travelling all day on an over-packed bus across unpaved roads that would make your SUV's service department cancel your warranty. He carried a small overnight bag with him but except for his Bible I have no idea what else was inside- because Patrick wore the same clothes during his four day visit.

A sugarcane farmer by trade, Patrick is a very intense man standing about 6 feet tall and weighing probably 150 pounds. He spoke no English and never had never been to seminary, but he was a man on fire with the Gospel.

Patrick prefered eating without a spoon or fork, and seemed a bit mistrustful of conveniences like plumbing, but he preached with an intensity and conviction that could only have come from knowing God and living in a relationship with Yesu Kristo ... and he was always excited to tell anyone who'd listen how Jesus had changed his life.

At home Patrick lived in a hut with no electricity or running water, but planned to buy a 125cc motorcycle because he was already preaching in as many nearby villages as he could reach by walking.

Setting money aside to buy a used $700 motorcycle (the people in Patrick's church give their tithes with chickens, seeds and cloth; how many churchgoers in the US are giving their tithes to Visa and Mastercard?) was Patrick's 3-year financial plan, and he was already more than halfway there ... because he's unwilling to forfeit even one soul to the enemy.

Over the past three years I've met some amazing men who've dedicated their lives to preaching, ministry and sharing the Gospel. They're who I look up to and respect because of their uncompromising devotion to setting their own selfishness and ambition aside, and pursuing God's purpose for their lives.

I can't think of a single person in the secular world that's had as much an impact on my life as these men have.

God has strong warriors in His army ... and sometimes they're found in the most remote, and least likely, places you'd expect.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Almost A Sea Change

I decided this morning not to take any more shots at Clemson, cause folks aren't always sure when I'm kidding.

And after struggling with trying to slide huge image files around and between 5 hard drives running 3 different operating systems this afternoon, I came real close to thinking maybe Mac deserves a second look.

Is the sky falling? Nah, I'm still touchy about some things.

Like, the next person to tell me my photographs are too dark stops one.




Hey Mister, what's in the picture?

This is a 100% totally true story:

Several years ago I was in Princeton, NJ participating in an antique show. The exhibitor across the aisle from me was a local dealer, a bachelor in his late 60s, who probably had the quickest, most acerbic wit I've ever seen.

Throughout the 3-day event his comments and observations, ususally delivered in a single sentence under his breath, kept me in tears from laughing so hard. The dealer's name was Thornton.

By mid-afternoon on Sunday it was pretty clear the public wasn't in much of a buying mood and most of the dealers had already began lowering their prices, rather than haul a full trailer home empty-handed.

Cutting prices 10% didn't help and within another hour you could practically hear falling prices hit the floor as dealers slashed their inventories to the bone ... some even willing to take a loss just to make one sale ... but the buyers didn't seem to notice or care.

Then around 3 PM Thornton motioned me over and said, "Watch this."

He pulled a small engraving from the wall and replaced the image inside with a crisp new $20 bill from his wallet. Then he wrote "$5.00" on the price sticker and re-hung the frame on his display.

Over the next two hours not a single person expressed interest or asked so much as one question. Thornton even tried switching into used-car-salesman mode, all but pressuring anyone walking by his booth to buy his $20 bill for five dollars.

But he couldn't convince even one soul to buy a perfectly legal $20 bill for $5. Not one person bothered taking a second look or mustered the nerve to ask, "Hey mister, what's in the picture?"

People assumed there must be a catch. Only there wasn't, and when the antique show closed Thornton took down the picture, chuckled and re-pocketed his twenty bucks.

Thornton told me later that night he'd pulled the same stunt many times over the years, just to remind himself that sometimes the public would rather walk away from free money rather than risk looking dumb by investing a few moments of their time to check out a deal that seems too good to be true.

True story.

Here's another 100% absolutely true story: there were empty seats in the auditorium last Sunday.

Around 7:15 I was in the atrium thinking about the reasons why.

Every empty seat I saw represented a person who either didn't want to risk looking dumb, or someone who thought their time was too valuable, to bother checking out the most amazing deal on the planet.

They weren't interested in finding out or learning about what was in the picture.

If one of those seats had your name on it here's a very small and thoroughly incomplete recap of only a tiny part of what you missed:

-The Holy Spirit changing peoples' lives
-The amazing last message in the DOND series (tense is ... good!)
-Seeing God work throughout our community (awesome)
-Finding out how foreign missions will be impacted by our church (huge)
-Finding out why children have started dragging their parents to church (true)
-The incredible 'noise we make on garbage cans' (more please)

In short, you missed seeing what's in the big picture.

But unlike Thornton, God didn't re-pocket His deal and go home chuckling at the end of the service.

Click here for directions and come see for yourself this Sunday- with services at 9:30 AM, 11:15 AM and 6:00 PM. (John Maxwell's gonna be there)
_______________________________________________
Disclaimer: I am not a staff member of NSC nor has NSC authorized me in any way to express any opinions or viewpoints on their behalf. The opinions expressed here are entirely my own and I accept full responsibility for errors, oversights, inaccuracies and omissions.

Monday, September 04, 2006

You Know You're A Single Guy ...

You leave the vacuum cleaner broken and unassembled rather than admit to a repairman that you don't know what to do with all the leftover parts

You've got more than six remote controls on the table beside your couch

You no longer mind when friends introduce you and substitute "Bless his heart" for your last name

You spend more on tools and subscription sports events than you do on food

Your phone never rings after 5:08 PM except for wrong numbers

Even wrong numbers never call you back

You automatically picture a fig tree every time you hear the word "date"

Not only do you save money by giving yourself haircuts, you've also started thinking you do a pretty good job

You spend what you saved on haircuts on Slim Jims

All your clothes have the same hot-water tint

Your pastor uses your name during his Relationship Series to describe the potential pitfalls of dating ... and at least three women start shouting amen!

You can't remember whether you own a suit

Your parents have started addressing you as "Mister"

75% of your kitchen cabinet space is set aside for Ramen noodles

You're not sure what's under there growing in the other 25% ... except that you can see blossoms at night and rats won't try to eat it

You can program your VCR six weeks in advance without once checking a TV schedule

You've named your big screen TV after an old girlfriend

You've measured your riding mower's top speed using a GPS

Your clothes are older than anyone down at Fusebox

Your biggest obstacle to asking a girl out is finding out what your dog thinks first

3 of your last 4 dates included visits to Home Depot

You've driven to meet a girl's parents with a lawnmower tied down in the trunk of your car

You've learned a wet mop works faster than a broom

You buy toilet paper one roll at a time

The entire staff at Circuit City knows your name ... and the manager thinks you work there

You're saving up to buy a holster for your favorite chainsaw

Your chainsaw holster is monogrammed

You own more ball caps than socks

Over the past year you've had more visits to the Emergency Room than dates

Clarifying ...

Some confusion exists about a previous post.

I've chosen not to post comments I received which suggest God is OK with homosexuality and that God will accept you for who you are so long as you accept Him. That interpretation is misleading and is contrary to Scripture.

God loves you ... but He hates your sin. Sin is what separates us from God. The only way our sins can be forgiven is through Jesus Christ. Christ told the woman accused of adultery, "Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more." John 8:11 KJV

Christ never said, "Your sins are forgiven, so go and sin some more."

If we love God and live for Him, then how can we embrace behavior ... any behavior ... that separates us from Him.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Love, Hot Mustard & Mobile Mountains

Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth. If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.
Matthew 17:20 NIV

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
I John 4:8 NIV

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
I Corinthians 13:2 NIV

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Evolving into Queer Nation?

According to evolution we're all pretty much nothing more than intelligent, highly-specialized dirt. Therefore according to evolution, we're absolved of responsibility for being born separated from God.

Because evolution argues that my skull is filled with dirt, some pictures might be helpful as we go along:

According to evolution some dirt got real lucky, and evolved into














Other, less fortunate dirt evolved into


or

Certainly, evolving into a pig or a monkey is not the dirt's fault.

So if some dirt can evolve into hogs and chimpanzees while other dirt gets lucky and evolves into Angelina Jolie, then according to evolution there's no harm and no foul if some of us evolve into being born heterosexual and while others evolve into being born gay.

If we accept evolution, here's a person evolved from dirt.


The man above says he's gay and argues that he can't change ... because he was born that way.

But let's keep going, and skip to someone else. Here's someone who was born into sin.


He was imperfect, led an imperfect life, and couldn't help being born that way.

For comparison here's a third person, a former sinner transformed by Grace through Jesus Christ into eternal life. Even though all this person's sins are forgiven, he still struggles every day with lust, greed, anger, jealousy, worry, doubt and selfishishness and many more ...because he was born that way . The difference is the man shown below accepts and tries to live in acknowledgement that sin separates him from God.


The man pictured above is different because doesn't give up or acquiesce to his sinful nature. Faith in Jesus Christ will not allow him the easy, self-serving escape of apologzing "I was born a sinner and can't help myself."

Even though it's completely true that he was born that way- into sin- and can't help himself.

But then neither can you help yourself. You need more than self-help books, support groups, or therapy ... much less the pitiful coping skills you were born with.

Somehow it's hard to believe that Christ's forgiveness extends to every imaginable manifestation of sin ... yet somehow excludes homosexuality. Because gays argue they were born that way.

Were homosexuals really "born that way"? I dunno, but what's even more important is, I don't care. The invasive, self-destructive control sexuality exerts and imposes on your life doesn't make the Creator of the universe so much as break a sweat on an August afternoon.

God's much bigger than your sexual identity and He understands an entire universe more than you do, ya know?

More than that, He loves you more than it's possible for you to love yourself.

Beimg born that way is no excuse for the way you're living. It's the poor-pitiful-me way out ... a trap that allows guilt, shame and frustration to transform an obsession with "lifestyle" into a needless and permanent burden.

Look, whether heterosexual or gay we were all born severely screwed-up ... and landed on the floor in the Delivery Room knowing exactly how to lie, be intentionally arrogant and cruel, how to cheat, steal, fantasize and have irresponsible sex ... even how to commit murder to get what we want. No one had to teach us how because it is our nature.

Regardless of our sexual orientation we were all born into the same condition. Even if our sins are different, we all fell short equally.

Yet God's love and forgiveness through Christ is infinite and inclusive for everyone who accepts Him.

Don't paint yourself into an eternal corner with popular, mainstream excuses about being born that way. God's more powerful than you. God wants you to be on His side ... and all you gotta do is ask.

Right now.

Shower Power

Somebody we know is looking for a new house.

There's no point mentioning names, but there's cause here for serious concern.

This person has just one criteria for his future-home selection: the shower must hold ten people.

I can't even imagine. Even Ken, who is frequently and popularly cloned, expresses distress.

Earlier tonight this will-not-be-named person ended our conversation by telling me, "Just think, within two weeks you could be living within walking distance from me."

After hanging up the phone, even running around the yard backwards at full speed while screaming at the top of my lungs for thirty minutes didn't help much.

Luke wants to know if DJ's new shower will hold 9 adults ... plus1 four-legged friend.

The Daily Plumbing Quiz

Instead of using a basin wrench to tighten the Type B compression fitting that's spewing an alarming rate of water under your sink, you'd be Mr. Smart and reach for your:

A) Spanner
B) Stilson
C) Vise Grips
D) Telephone

Answer.

Clemson Tigers - Opening Game Predictions

Ok, ya'll remember that laughter and a friendly teasing can be a good thing ...

As every Clemson Tiger fan knows, the next best thing to real hard-hitting, down n' dirty, in-your-face college football is Clemson football. I've got a few predictions about this afternoon's game (which incidentally isn't being televised; this comes as no surprise to non-Clemson fans).

#1. Since Clemson is a 34 point favorite against hapless Florida Atlantic [ranked #7 in the Sun Belt Conference, for pete's sake], I'm predicting the Tigers will probably win by at least a field goal.

#2. I predict Clemson fans will interpret today's victory over Carrot Top's alma mater as a sure sign the Tigers finally have a team capable of challenging nationally respected teams like Florida, Florida State and Miami ... and will start a 12-week-long daydream for Tiger fans that Clemson actually has a chance of finishing ranked in the Top Ten this year.

#3. I'm predicting that interpretation is significantly in error.

#4. I'm also predicting that Clemson's humiliating defeat on November 25 at the spurs of Steve Spurrier's USC Gamecocks will be excused by Clemson fans with much creativity ("Spurrier made the sun shine in our eyes" or "Our cornerbacks got dizzy after USC threw so many passes" or "How can we win with only 11 players on the field?")

#5. Finally, I'm predicting Clemson's first real game of the season will take place on September 16, when the Tigers face extinction by tomahawk, courtesy of 10th-ranked FSU in Tallahassee.

ACC Fun Fact: Clemson hasn't won an ACC title in 15 years, not since the season before Coach Bowden's father, Bobby, brought the Florida State program into the conference. The amazingly powerful Seminoles have won or shared 12 of 14 ACC titles since 1992 ... effectively shutting the Tigers out of contention.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Bring It

That means "Let's see what you've got." Or, "You talk the talk, but do you Walk the walk?"

Sounds confrontational, as in "Let's measure up, big boy."

Well, Sunday's coming.

Time to Show Up, Shut Up and Throw Down. Sunday's gonna be huge.

We hate the enemy, and rejoice when he's running scared ... because he can only be in one place at one time, while the gospel is being preached and celebrated in hundreds of different languages around the world all at the same time.

God's powerful that way.

If you live within driving distance and have never been to New Spring, put the rest of your life on hold and show up this Sunday. I have no idea whatsoever what's going on, or what's gonna happen, except that you'll miss out completely if you're not there to be a witness.

Remember what you learned as a kid: the good guy wins in the end.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

One for the Ladies

A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such a wonderful married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each one wish."

"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the wife. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands.

Then it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me. "

The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish...

So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! -the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful boneheads should always remember that fairies are female.

Cherry Pickin' at the lowest limbs

Saturday night Clemson opens its 2006 football season.

Tiger fans eagerly await the excitement and drama that's sure to accompany this year's gruelling schedule, which includes daunting and formidable foes like:

Florida Atlantic University
FAU hails from the Sun Belt Conference, which includes explosive teams like Louisiana-Lafayette, Louisiana-Monroe, and Troy (which blew the Owls from the rafters 28-14 last year). In 2005 FAU went 2-9.

Wake Forest
ACC Atlantic Division-dominating Dreaded Deacons, with a 2005 4-7 record.

Temple
Tiger fans expect this year's game against The Owls, given last year's 0-11 record, to be a real hoot.

Louisiana Tech
Despite a 27-37 loss to Nevada, the Bulldogs completed their 2005 schedule 7-4, chewing holes in the pants of pigskin giants like Hawaii's Rainbow Warriors (5-7), the 3-8 San Jose State Spartans, and the 2-9 North Texas Mean Greens.


Here's a New York Strip treat tossed in for Clemson fans ... you'll enjoy reading this.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Have An Eighth Wonder of the World Wednesday


Wild-haired boxing promoter Don King practically defines the American Dream.

When King signed on 7'2" 320-pound Russian fighter Nikolai Valuev, the tallest and heaviest boxer of all time and changed his alias from "The Beast from the East" to "The Eighth Wonder of the World," the 74-year old fight promoter once again proved his favorite adage Only In America.

Extremely tall boxers tyically share three problems: trouble fighting opponents who work on the inside, slow reactions & punching speed, and a tendency to tire quickly ... and irrecoverably (something to do with fast twitch muscles).

But when asked this morning on Fox News what he considered his greatest advantage, Valuev resplied to his interpreter, "My willingness to win."


My willingness to win. Maybe that has something to do with Valuev's confidence that his weapons guarantee victory over any opponent in any challenge during any contest ... and his faith in the awesomeness and authority of the two sledge hammer-sized fists he's got attached to his tugboat cable-sized arms.

Sounds like Valuev's attitude is that Defeat Is Not An Option.

My willingness to win means never accepting any obstacle as too daunting, no challenge as too overwhelming, or any conflict as too exhausting ... and faith reminds us that victory is our goal and the ONLY possible outcome.

"Only do not rebel against the LORD. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will swallow them up. Their protection is gone, but the LORD is with us. Do not be afraid of them." Numbers 14:9 NIV

"For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory." Deuteronomy 20:4 NIV

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?" Romans 8:31 NASB

"With God we will gain the victory, and he will trample down our enemies."
Psalm 60:12 NIV

"Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?"
2 Corinthians 13:5 NIV

"For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith." 1 John 5:4 NIV

Stay willing to win, and confident of victory.

-----------------------
Valuev will be making his second title defense, against Monte “Two Gunz” Barrett at Allstate Arena in Rosemont, Illinois on October 7, 2006. HBO is televising the fight.

Also, OLN will be airing the rarely-seen Ali-Frazier II bout on Thursday, September 7 at 9 p.m. ET Some experts consider this to be Ali's finest post-exile fight.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

What's Wrong With The Guy In This Photo?

Yes, that is a real-life living and breathing rhino. Exactly how close was he?

Notice my right hand is glued to the ladder ...

Revealed! The 6 PM Posse

Round up the usual suspects ... and have them ushered to the usual seats.

Be Happy On Tuesday

(Left to right: Rover, Simba, M5)

Some people hate cats. Here at The Blue Book we love all animals.

Except hyenas ... and even then I'd probably change my mind if I could pet or walk one on a leash. But back to kitty cats.

I don't know if these are my cats, not exactly. But if you HATE AND DESPISE cats here's what I'm happy about: I'm thrilled house cats don't growup to weigh between 70-90 pounds.

That would be scary ... especially when we run out of 9 Lives Salmon & Toddler Flavor.

Mac's New TV Commercial -- Cooper Tires

Seen the commercial where the Windows guy is wearing a bunch of casts in the wheelchair, and ends up talking about his screen saver?

OK, The Blue Book grudingly concedes that was pretty durn funny.

But my favorite TV commercial's gotta be this one from Cooper Tires... "The Official Tires of Go."

Heck, doggone it. That's the stuff right there.

Tonight - Disco at the Trailer Park!

Oh well.


Thanks, Game Cock Fran (can't wait for Nov. 25, hee hee. I'm writing a new reggae song for the occasion, tentatively titled "Spank the Tigers/Make Them Cry").

PS. I miss my 6PM Posse!

Monday, August 28, 2006

Never Let Your Feet Stick Out From Under The Covers

It's amazing what you can find on the web without even looking.


Ruthless Rumors Department

I looked around yesterday, but couldn't find Ken anywhere.

Then I read that Ken's not been feeling well.

Frankly I'm not buying it.

My guess is that Ken will be kinda scarce and hard to track down until LOST starts back up ... and then suddenly we'll find out there's actually two Kens.

Ken-Klones. Has something to do with quad-cores, dual processors and G5s.

Wait and see.

Make Mine the Usual ... Scrambled

My favorite place for breakfast downtown is Pete's.

You know you're at Pete's because the sign on the building says Murph's.

Pete's is owned by John.

But Big John's is another block up, on the opposite side of the street.

Maybe that's why I always get my breakfast to go ... but I'm not sure.

Anyway, I love Pete's On Main.

Glue This To The Fridge Door:

I do laundry on Sunday nights.

That way I've got a week's worth of clean clothes ready to wear & waiting in one central location ... all I gotta do is reach in the dryer and grab whatever's on top. It's a big time-saver over folding, ironing, etc.

-- -- -- -- -- -- .

Yesterday afternoon I lost an 8-ounce pack of cheddar cheese on the way home from the grocery store. This morning I found it under the passenger seat.

Which leads to how I found this site ... and some guideliness for knowing

What To Pitch and What To Save:


THE GAG TEST
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what
you cooked for yourself last night).

EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is
probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled
when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled
when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing
but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is
already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese
but you realize you've never purchased that kind.

MAYONNAISE
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is
spoiled.

FROZEN FOODS
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting
problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled -- (or
wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

EXPIRATION DATES
This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly
good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd
benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.

MEAT
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a
three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is
spoiled.

BREAD
Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable
"spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread.
Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good
indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical
laboratory experiment.

FLOUR
Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.

SALT
It never spoils.

CEREAL
It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded
when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date.

LETTUCE
Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the
vegetable crisper without Comet. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it
turns liquid.

CANNED GOODS
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball
should be disposed of. Carefully.

CARROTS
A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.

RAISINS
Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.

POTATOES
Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy
undergrowth.

CHIP DIP
If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor,
it has gone bad.

EMPTY CONTAINERS
Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick,
but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.

UNMARKED ITEMS:
You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard
the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware
containers should not burp when you open them.

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a
hamster. Keep a hamster in or nearby your refrigerator to gauge this.

What about the new photo?

I look like the guy who drives the fuel tug up to your GulfStream, and asks the pilot if he needs a Jet-A fill-up.

Mismatched Flops

Pretty durn cool.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

2-26- 2006 PM Updates

How about this morning's Turkish Grand Prix?

Ferrari's Michael Schumacher must be having an off-period of life. Overlooking the against-the-rules blocking manuver he used to protect his teammate's position, what about Ferrari stacking their two cars in the pits during a yellow flag?

Somebody shoulda been on the radio beforehand to prevent it ... and since Schumacher's quest for the World Driving Championship hangs in the balance, and since Schumacher ended up finishing third today by less than 1/100 of a second, that delay in the pit while the crew serviced his team mate Felipe Massa (the eventual winner) might literally have cost Schumacher the championship.

It's called TEAMWORK, folks. Only one driver can lead and be out in front. This morning we might've seen the entire hard-fought season lost in one silly pit stop.

Bodacious Who?
On the phone a few minutes ago somebody over in Columbia told me my name had been changed from Papa to Bodacious.

What's curious about that is last night I watched a special on Outdoor Life Channel about Bodacious, The World's Most Dangerous Bull, "the bull who knew how to kill rodeo cowboys."

To paraphrase somebody from the Vatican, "If it's not on YouTube, it didn't happen." You can see the real Bodacious kicking face here.

Just remember to let go of the rope when you've had enough, before departing for terra firma.

Lake Nyasa, Tanzania


Last year Vernon told me there are people living along the shore of Lake Nyasa who've never seen white people.


I looked everywhere for a map of Lake Nyasa while I was in TZ, and couldn't find a thing.

Look at all those roads and highways running all over the place.

Thing is, not even the map legend hints they're actually more like rutted, muddy cow paths.

Even if there's only two paved highways in the whole country, it still it helps to have a road map.

Last year I contacted a freight company for an estimate to have Ben shipped to Mbeya, but never heard anything back.

They probably thought I had to be kidding.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Dummy Is As Dummy Does

Am I Starting To Dodder? Department
Man, sometimes I think I need to wear an armor suit.

Just as I thought my big toe was on the mend, while taking pictures of Ben the other day I stupidly dropped the engine room hatch on the same toe. It was quite excruciating, but I had to laugh till it quit hurting.

Then yesterday I went through the bank drive-through to make a deposit, and made a move with my left hand to grab the receipt as the teller moved her mechanical stainless steel tray toward me.

The first finger of my left hand caught the accelerating tray corner on the second knuckle perfectly ... if you're into slicing sausages, that is. Oh baby yeah, did that hurt beyond my wildest expectations.

I was really disappointed I didn't have a new child to show for my suffering.

Twenty-five minutes later it was still bleeding profusely and the pain had advanced over to my thumb and almost to my elbow. Soon as I master boat plumbing, I'm gonna learn to give myself stitches.

My Brain Must Be Almost Full Department
Last year I'd already learned almost 80 Swahili words, along with present, past and future tenses. But that was last year.

The other day I pulled out my flash cards, and discovered someone had broken into the house and changed all the words around. Since only a handful were still familiar, a burglar has to be the only reasonable explanation.

Anyway, here's some fun Swahili words. Say them out loud, without smiling. Dare ya.

food - chakula
cat - nyau (pronounced "neeow" - ain't Swahili great?)
dance - michezo
tattoo - chale (cha-le)
fruit - matunda
water - maji
sleeping place - malalo
bathroom - bafu
sun - jua
friend - rafiki
God - Mungu

See? Now you're all set.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Still Stopped Up

There's a thing called writer's block. Maybe there's another thing called Blogger's Clog.

I must have both.

Here's a post that makes its point as clearly as anything I've ever seen: (read more)


PS. Don't forget the Turkish Grand Prix this weekend.

Qualifying is tomorrow, Saturday, at 7:00AM. This morning 19-year old German Sebastien Vettel, the youngest driver ever to wheel a F1 race car, was the fastest driver in his first day of official Formula 1.

The race is on live, Sunday morning, at 7:00 AM on speedtv.com [channel 26 here in The Electric City]

Our old buddy driving for Ferrari, Michael Schumacher, received much grief in the Italian press for his performance 3 weeks ago ... and the Driver's World Championship is still in doubt.

PSS. For you hard-core fans, tune in at 6:00 AM Sunday morning for the GP2 Championship Series.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Ammenities

Here's a shot of the helm. That's a depth/fish indicator on the left; on the right is a Magellan GPS that interfaces with the VHF radio. That combination provides DSC collision avoidance and also distress information through a unique vessel ID number.

That's the VHF radio on the right. Behind the radio is a windshield defogger. To the left of the radio is 12-volt turbo fan.

The yellow box is a Xantax 20-amp 3-bank battery charger. The red box beneath it is a 3000-watt continuous power DC inverter ... which gives Ben 30 amps of household 110v AC electricity, enough to power a TV, microwave and table saw all at the same time.


Jensen 200 watt CD/MP3 player. Switches at left control VHF external speaker and hailer /fog horn mounted on flybridge.

One of the dinette's 2 speakers.


This shot is looking down at the 11-gallon water heater, under the rear dinette seat. At a marina, the heater runs off dock electricity. While underway, hot water is cycled through the engine block. At the very top of the frame is the 26-gallon fresh water tank.

Meet Ben

Here's a view from the rear, looking forward into the cabin.

This is looking rear toward the dinette; it converts into a 6-ft long double bed. Just the right amount amount of space to sleep comfortably if I angle myself a bit, so both feet are in the refrigerator.

Talk about pride of accomplishment. Installed this myself and yes, it works like a champ heh heh (excuse the early morning light effects).

Notice auto-sensing (from cable to VHF) TV antenna. One morning I was actually able to get up and watch The Today Show on NBC ... while anchored at an inlet on Lake Hartwell.

Life With Ben

Still struggling with Blog Clog.
But in the meantime, here's what's been happening with Ben.


Ben is a 1973 SeaCamper with a 225 hp MerCruiser V-8. The fastest he ever went was 22 mph, measured by GPS. Ben's been sitting in my driveway for the past 18 months. It gives me the heebie-jeebies ... and I don't even know what the heebie-jeebies are.

Ben's broken because of something DJ did. I'm not sure why, how or what, but it's easier to blame DJ than it is to accept that the engine blew up because I stupidly kept on cruising after noticing the temperature gauge pegged in the red zone.

VICTORY?
Photo above is the (in the wall) leak I finally found and patched yesterday with JB Weld. I used a cutting wheel on an electric drill to cut out a "new" panel outside the shower, and saw the leak in the copper tubing on the left.

I snatched 25 images from the camcorder this morning and can't decide whether to post them here, or at myspace.com

In the meantime, read this.