Live Eye Witness News

"What are we going to do with these men?" they asked. "Everybody living in Jerusalem knows they have done an outstanding miracle, and we cannot deny it. But to stop this thing from spreading any further among the people, we must warn these men to speak no longer to anyone in this name."

Then they called them in again and commanded them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John replied, "Judge for yourselves whether it is right in God's sight to obey you rather than God. For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard."
- Acts 4:16-20

hujambo

My missionary friends from Tanzania, Vernon and Mary Smith, dropped by for a visit yesterday afternoon while en route to a conference in Washington, DC. We had just enough time for lunch at Cracker Barrel, and a quick tour of the church.

Vernon brought me a gift of the bean:


Cori, a man I'd met during my visit to Vernon's church in 2005, sent me these awesome hand-made sandals, too:

Notice the soles are made with nails and real truck tires.

Insomnia Pt 3

"Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." - Acts 4:12

No matter what Oprah says.

--- ---

So the Twelve gathered all the disciples together and said, "It would not be right for us to neglect the ministry of the word of God in order to wait on tables. Brothers, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word." - Acts 6:2-4

got one?

Mine is

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. - John 15:15

Not a cure for insomnia

Wow, insomnia came back ... the second event in the past 48 hours. Here's the verse that got me outta bed & reaching for the reading lamp:

They produced false witnesses, who testified, "This fellow never stops speaking against this holy place and against the law. For we have heard him say that this Jesus of Nazareth will destroy this place and change the customs Moses handed down to us." - Acts 6:13-14

... and then:

When Simon saw that the Spirit was given at the laying on of the apostles' hands, he offered them money and said, "Give me also this ability so that everyone on whom I lay my hands may receive the Holy Spirit."

Peter answered: "May your money perish with you, because you thought you could buy the gift of God with money! You have no part or share in this ministry, because your heart is not right before God. Repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord. Perhaps he will forgive you for having such a thought in your heart. - Acts 8:18-22

Sure I'm saved ... just do the math

Salvation: the 51% solution

-51% Faith is all I need to feel like I'm saved
-51% Devotion is all I need to get God on MY side
-51% Forgiveness means I can still hold grudges and settle scores when I want to
-51% Obedience means I can keep my favorite sins intact & ready when I need them
-51% Involvement means my free time's not being wasted by volunteering at church
-51% Integrity means you can trust me, mostly. Really
-51% Commitment means I can walk out, quit or go church-shopping any time I feel like it
-51% Sacrifice means lots of cash leftover for BIG WEEKEND BLOW-OUT! sales
-51% of the way is as close to the cross as I'm willing to go

This is serious business

Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, "Why are you thinking these things? Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up, take your mat and walk'?

But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins . . . ." He said to the paralytic, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all.

This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, "We have never seen anything like this!"
-Mark 2:8-12

Church by Committee

The Problem: "We need a bus to meet the needs of our membership living outside the local community."

The Prospectus: call the usual clique members and create a Church Bus Committee

"Church Bus Outreach Ministry" Progress Report:

Phase 1
1) Meeting #1: Bus Committee elects officers
2) Meeting #2: preliminary financial report; first motion to cancel project because "We never needed no bus before."
3) Meeting #3: Committee writes letter to pastor asking, "Do we really need a bus?" and suggests "Bus Alternatives." Two senior committee members resign, protesting the letter's "mealy-mouthed warning" that the pastor should "Stop day-dreaming in the pulpit."
4) Meeting #4: Committee stalls over issue of approving previous meetings' minutes as read, because a quorum doesn't exist
5) Meeting #5: Emergency meeting to discuss what color is "appropriate" for a church bus
6) Meeting #6: Committee dissolves itself after being unable to reach a consensus whether the bus should be available for Youth as well as Senior activities. Six families leave the church in protest

Phase 2
7) Deacons assume control; Deacons table motion to include "No Smoking" signs on board the bus
8) Pastor fired for suggesting John 3:16 could be painted on both sides of the bus ... using NIV text instead of KJV (authorized)

Phase 3
9) Deacons form Committee to replace pastor; Deacons debate withholding contributions to SBC pending confirmation of Presidential endorsement; Deacons vote to allow political bumper stickers on the bus for Presidential campaign only
10) Church splits over issue of honoring dismissed pastor's pension
11) Finance Committee proposes using previous pastor's pension to purchase the bus
12) Deacons vote not to buy a bus from any dealership open on Sundays
13) Congregation votes to amend Church Covenant to prohibit buying gasoline for the bus on Sundays, and to prohibit buying any bus using ethanol fuel (or other alcohol blend)

Phase 4
14) Recent, drastic decline in membership causes church to cancel Wednesday and Sunday night Prayer Meetings
15) Church purchases bus; congregation splits again over issue of whether women or divorced men should be allowed to drive the bus

Phase 5
16) Church bulletin declares Bus Program "Another overwhelming success for The Kingdom" in its last issue, after congregation votes to dissolve itself over "irreconcilable theological issues and objectives."

Now, let us laugh

A Lutheran minister and his wife, an Episcopal minister and his wife and a Baptist minister and his wife were all on a cruise together and the ship sank and all died. They approached the pearly gates when St. Peter stopped them with some bad news.

He told the Lutheran minister, "I can't let you in because you have an unhealthy lust for money. This is clear as you even married a woman named Penny".

He next told the Episcopal minister, "I cannot allow you in because you have had an unhealthy lust for drink. This is clear as you married a woman named Sherry.

At that point the Baptist minister turned to his wife and said, "let's go. There's no need for us to even try. His wife, Fanny, agreed.

Down for maintenance - UPDATED

Wow, I've got a chest cold.

Golly pops, I'm glad that's over.

That's one good thing about having ADD ... ya can't stay focused on anything for very long, not even on being sick.

Is science a superstition?

Well, until researchers apply the scientific method and start shooting galaxies from the end of a test tube ...

Flock Mentality

Church should make me fat n' happy. So pastor gimme something sweet n' easy to graze on, and lick my wounds to remind me who's your most favorite trophy of all.

And pastor doggone it, keep my flock small ... so your eyes stay focused on me. Otherwise I might wander off a cliff and blame you for falling ... or become prey to wolves in sheeps' clothing.

Because my own wool grows over my eyes, and keeps me from seeing around me.

Literal Translations

"My relationship with God is personal and private."
Translation: Preacher, only tell me things that make me feel good about myself.

"Well, that's just your interpretation of scripture."
Translation: I've never actually studied or even opened the Bible to find out for myself.

"There's not just one way to salvation."
Translation: I believe whatever's newest and coolest.

"It's up to each person to decide what's right for them."
Translation: I'm trapped in sin, and can't make myself stop.

are we having sex?

What's the distinction between "Sex" and "Not Actually Sex"?

Is oral sex really the same thing as "having sex"? And what about doing .... and then there's ... well, you get the idea. I mean, none of those things are really "having sex" so they're not technically sins, are they?

Who're we trying to fool?

If you were married, would you mind if your spouse did the same things, those things that "aren't actually having sex," with someone else? Would it be easy to look the other way and convince ourselves, "Well technically it's not adultery so it must be OK" ... and merrily go on about our business?

Or would "not actually having sex" start looking ... and feeling ... a lot like sin, after all? And then imagine how "We're not actually having sex" sounds from a Heavenly perspective.

Who're we trying to fool by playing sex word-games ... and who's being fooled?

Seen yesterday

I saw this unattributed quote while standing in line at the drug store:


"Education is an achievement, not an entitlement."

I simply must have an adjustable seat, or nothing at all.

The Bugatti Veyron 16.4
MSRP: $1,500,000 - $1,500,000 [that's $1.5 millions]

Fuel Economy (city/hwy): 8/14 mpg

Standard Features: Bluetooth, Navigation System, Heated Front Seats, Electronic Stability Control

Optional Equipment: Power Driver's Seat

Monkey Business

-from today's "Like, Duh" Department:

Boys Will Be Monkeys

"The notion that children's taste in toys might somehow be genetically determined has long been disparaged by psychologists -- pooh-poohed as unscientific, sexist or both.

But a study by researchers in the United States suggests that when it comes to choosing between trucks and cuddly stuffed animals, chromosomes could make a difference."- source here

What's wrong with people?

I mean, really.


Duck Gets Order of Protection After Attack

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A pet duck named Circles, shot and wounded by a neighbor with a pellet gun, has received an order of protection to keep it safe, the first duck in New York state's Suffolk County to benefit from such an order.

Circles was in its owner's backyard on Long Island -- long known as a habitat for wild waterfowl -- when it was shot by a neighbor through the neck, said Michelle Auletta, prosecutor at the Suffolk County District Attorney's Office.

Circles, a white, yellow-billed duck, was treated by a vet and survived, she said.

The neighbor was charged with animal cruelty. At the attacker's arraignment on Thursday, Circles' owners received an order of protection.

"It's the first case that I know of in this area where a duck got an order of protection," Auletta said. "And in Suffolk County, Long Island, it is the first case where an animal was included in an order of protection that was not a domestic violence case."

In 2006, former New York Governor George Pataki signed into law a provision to include pets in orders of protection.

(Reporting by Karen Brettell; Editing by Daniel Trotta and Philip Barbara)

-original source here

S.S. Comfort Zone

-I love that so much of the action in the New Testament takes place on or around boats ....

"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" - Matthew 14:29-31 (NIV)

Of course the name of the boat isn't mentioned, but ...

Pastors' Yearbook

- from today's "I wonder whatever happened to Pastor So-and-So" Department ...

I don't remember this pastor's name. But I do remember one Sunday morning he tried preaching from the NIV.

He got fired from the pulpit faster than cannister from a cannon.

I don't remember this preacher's name either, but he was the one who talked back to the deacons and said it was OK if black people and white people went to the same church. Meaning, the white people's church where the deacons were members where no black people had gone before.

Shoot, we even had a committee standing by to make sure we didn't mix pastels with earth tones when it came to painting the church restrooms.

The 2000+ year wait

Still waiting for archaeologists or historians to discover a text contemporary to the period that reads, "Then Jesus, and all the liars (including his mother) who later claimed he was crucified and rose from the dead ...."

No Greater Power Than ...?

Those celebrity self-help strategies kinda pale in comparison to the Resurrection, don't they?

Prayer List ... updated with one more Gimme

Think there might be certain prayers God enjoys, or even gets tickled about, hearing more than others?

I mean, with 50 million Prosperity Gospel expectees scattered around the globe it's easy to imagine God might occasionally get bored hearing, "I'm really in a hurry to get that new car ... so is the hold-up on your end?" and "I've been a Christian for almost two years now, so why aren't I rich?"

Wouldn't be hard imagining God rolling his eyes every time he hears, "Why haven't I found the person I want to marry?" or "How much longer do I have to wait to get the job I want?"

Who knows ... he might even groan knowing tonight 40,000 more people are praying, "When will you finally find time to tell me what to do with my life?"

Even mundane, ordinary little prayers that don't require a lot of thought can sound an awful lot like a Gimme List: gimme good health, gimme a new girlfriend, gimme some good grades, gimme a break with the mortgage company, gimme a 'Negative' on my latest STD test ... and then how about some extra cash for partying this weekend too, please.

But what about a rare prayer? A prayer so rare that it's easy imagining God immediately taking notice ... and answering right away in the loudest, most unmistakable voice, "Oh boy, you got it!"

Prayers like asking God to:
-abruptly & immediately end any un-Godly relationships or romances in our lives, even if it means breaking our hearts
-take away any material possessions or goals distracting us from him
-teach us to trust him alone ... by crushing mis-placed hopes and man-made expectations
-place us in situations where we're likely to be ridiculed for sharing our faith
-take away false conveniences and material comforts
-remind us that we are only caretakers, and that every single penny and possession belongs to him
-keep strong believers nearby to hold us accountable at any time, and in any place
-teach us, no matter how hard the lesson, that we were ransomed at the greatest possible price, and that the time we're alloted and the lives we've been given do not belong to us

Bang bang, who's there?

Letter from Africa

-excerpts from an emailing I received this morning from Joseph L. Rayman, founder of AOAACF/ AOF Missions:

"There are three things which Africa does not need.

1) More foreign aid from governments to governments

2) More planners who know the answers to the problems

3) More projects which give away things to poor people

I have worked in Kenya for 17 years and have spent periods of days to months in other African nations of Sudan, Democratic Republic of Congo, Tanzania, Uganda, and Egypt. I have seen many projects undertaken on behalf of and for the people and have come to understand the motivation of those who fund and ‘run’ these projects.

As a Christian I am well aware of the proverb of either giving a man a fish or teaching him to fish. The first proposition of course feeds this man for a day, and the second allows him to eat for a life time.

I rewrite this proverb to say, if you give a man a fish he will:

1) Ask for tartar sauce (make this product high end)

2) Expect seconds with fries (ask for more stuff because we know fries are essential)

3) Invite his family over (they want to eat and could use a job)

The problem with giving things away in development is that it makes it near impossible to stop giving and creates a higher expectation and dependency and codependency as we feel better about ourselves as givers.

For projects to work we must have people on the ground who are already doing something positive for themselves. We must not introduce something and come on as the experts and fundraisers. William Easterly (White Man's Burden) states that there are Planners and Searchers. The Planners stand off, stand at the top of the pyramid, have a lot of money, spend a lot of money and get results which are reflected in the 23 trillion dollars which have been invested in Africa over the past 5 decades. Searchers integrate themselves within the community of people who are already doing things, spend a lot less money and realize the joy of seeing the community rejoice in realizing their own dreams come true.

For projects to work, we must not spend a dime without first finding out firsthand who is doing successful ventures within the country and how we can work with them."

Dr. Michael Johnson
World Gospel Mission

fuel starvation

"Their Eyes Were Watching God"

"Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board.
For some, they come in with the tide.
For others, they sail forever on the horizon,
Never out of sight,
Never landing until the watcher turns his eyes away in resignation,
His dreams mocked to death by time.
That is the life of men.

Now, women forget all those things they don't want to remember,
And remember everything they don't want to forget.
The dream is the truth.

Then they act and do things accordingly."

-Zora Neale Hurston

what every woman should know about men

-this ad arrived in this morning's slush mail ...

“You're About To Learn Secrets That
Most Women Will Never Know About Meeting And Keeping Great Men...”

"Inside you'll learn...

• What goes on inside a man's mind... and how attraction works for him.
• How to "cheat-proof" your relationship... and why he might be tempted.
• The ten fatal mistakes to avoid that most women make with men.
• What to do if your man has a "wandering eye".
• The differences in how men and women think about dating... and why
  most men want to keep you from being successful.
• The seven secrets to communicating with a man that will create lasting love and affection.
• The truth about men who aren't "emotionally available"... how to know if you've got one and what to do if you're dating one.
• The five things women do that annoy men and kill intimacy.
• The inside tips married women know about the tell-tale signs of a great guy."

Ladies, look: I'm a guy and that means I know stuff about guys. Obviously I'm not trying to sell anything ... so here's the easy, un-varnished truth about men:

Men Do Not Get It
They never have. Nor does the current version of Men come wired from the factory with the potential for upgrades, nor are there plans to include the "Getting It" skill-set in any future release of Men.

Neither can Men ever be taught, hacked or cracked to ever "Get It."

Men who do not GET IT are not defective, nor can they be returned for a refund or replacement.

A Visual Illustration of the facts:
A man can accidentally smash his thumb into pulp with a hammer, stare at the injury and instead of seeking immediate medical assistance, wiggle it back and forth to see if it's broken and then wonder, "How did that happen? It always worked right before."

And then look at the hammer as if it had tricked him.

But why aren't men emotionally responsive?
The truth is that the vast majority of men are incredibly responsive ... to sporting events broadcast live in high-def. Especially on flat screens measuring more than 60 inches.

(It's well-known that 72" plasma displays and 6.1 surround sound will bring tears to a man's eyes, every time.)

Conclusion
Expecting a Man to GET IT is like expecting a Woman to grasp the spiritual significance of a programmable multi-function remote control.

Kick Out the Egg Rolls

Disclaimer: Look, when you live on a boat it's practically impossible to enjoy a traditional Easter Egg Roll. Never mind the practical inconveniences, much less engineering an updated event (like trying to skip Easter Eggs, the way we skipped rocks at the beach when I was a kid; we're talking dire environmental concerns and heavy fines, too).

This afternoon when you get home from church, instead of chucking poultry by-products around the landscaping and making a big stinking mess, tune in to The Malaysian Grand Prix at 1:30 PM EST on SpeedTV.

I already know who won so I won't let on and ruin the surprise.

Did he mean REALLY mean that?

Yeah he did.

"Jesus answered them, "Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days."
-John 2:19

"He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay."
-Matthew 28:6


Just go one time.

Love? who needs it

"The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love."
- 1 John 4:8 (HCSB)

"If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him." - 1 John 4:15-17 (NIV)

"Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world." [emphasis added]
- 1 John 4:17 (KJV)

"Mungu ni upendo." (ki-Swahili) God is love.

Oceans in Space

-from today's "Sometimes Common Sense Just Gets in the Way" Department:

"March 20, 2008 -- An ocean may be hiding below the crust of Saturn's biggest moon, Titan, teaming up with its dense atmosphere to cause shifts on the moon's surface, a study said Thursday.

"Years worth of radar observations from the Cassini probe showed that features of Titan's geology had drifted from a fixed point of reference, indicating that the moon's rotation had temporarily sped up, the study said.

"Powerful winds could be rocking Titan back and forth around its axis, meaning the moon's massive atmosphere speeds up its rotation speed and slows it down later in the year, said the study, published in the journal Science.

"But for the atmosphere to be able to change the moon's surface, it would need help from an underground ocean flowing between Titan's crust and core, wrote researchers from Johns Hopkins University, led by astronomer Ralph Lorenz.

An ocean may also be hiding under the surface of another Saturn moon, Enceladus, according to NASA." - Discovery News

PS. Titan's surface temperature averages a chilly -290 Fahrenheit.

Not the least little thing

One Sunday morning when I was a kid I saw a deacon do something in church that's still as clear as if it had happened last Sunday.

He grabbed his daughter (who was probably less than 4 years old) by the arm and began spanking her right there in the vestibule.

Like wailing away, whipping the tar out of her bottom, literally beneath the Warner Sallman "Head of Christ" painting hanging on the wall above the big wood table carved with the words "Do This In Remembrance of Me."

This happened after the service ended, as they were leaving the building. I don't remember what the sermon was about but then, maybe he hadn't been listening very closely either.

I still remember it was summer and his sport coat was powder-blue and her little dress was yellow. Her shoes were black and she wore white socks so it might well have been Easter. I was only six years old but what I remember most was the other deacons standing there watching, and not saying ... much less doing, a thing about it.

I guess they weren't startled or outraged by what they saw, because whipping a child during a fit of rage wasn't new, irreverent, shocking or contrary to their religion. Or even inconsistent with how they saw themselves as deacons.

--- ---

Took me a long, long time to lose my uneasiness about inviting friends to church. Much less tell people why Jesus wanted to be invited into their hearts so he could change their lives.
--- ---

"Well Joseph, you were little back then. You couldn't know the whole story and shoot, you just can't jump into a man's private business over the least little thing. Come to think of it, how a man treats his family is none of your business at all."

Baloney, Brother.

No man should ever treat his daughter like she's "the least little thing" --- and if he can't control his temper then he shouldn't be allowed near her in the first place. Much less serve as a deacon.

If a deacon showed up at church drunk, consulted tarot cards for answers during committee meetings ("Let's cast runes before voting to pick colors for the restrooms"), helped himself to some lunch money from the offering plate, suggested turning his wife's WMU meetings into orgies or opened the invocation with an appeal to Beelzebub you can bet you'd see deacons jumping in like they'd never jumped before.

All those things- drunkenness, witchcraft, stealing and adultery are evil sho 'nuff ... but fits of rage? Wrath? Well, what's wrong with blowing off a little steam, and smacking little folks around who can't hit back? Even if they love you, depend on you ... look up to you and worship the ground you walk on?

"Yeah Joe, but sometimes a kid needs jacking up, or you gotta light up their bottom, wear-out their heiney, jerk a pure knot in 'em, tear up their rear ends or take a peach switch to their behind till it bleeds ... just to teach 'em how to act and show 'em how you care."

Come on, Brother. Doesn't blowing up and scaring the bejeez outta people feel good deep inside? Down really deep, where it's dark? Oh heck yeah it does ... it's almost right there with sex. And Paul's real clear it's a sin to lose control there, too.

Galatians 5:19-23

"The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." - NIV

"Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law." - King James Version

The greatest theological question

Here's just a few things I remember hearing (and seeing) believers quarrel, fight and yes ... change churches about:

-Was the earth actually created in 6 literal days?
-How old is the earth?
-Should women be allowed to wear pants to church?
-Should women be allowed to be deacons?
-Can a divorced man preach from the pulpit?
-Can a believer lose his or her salvation?
-Does the Bible teach the doctrine of a Trinity?
-Exactly what is "the age of accountability?"
-Should clapping be allowed in church?
-Is Sunday really the Sabbath?
-Should stores be allowed to open on Sundays?
-Which translation of the Bible should we use?

But none of those comes close to being as theologically important as this:
How many people are getting saved when believers stay busy arguing, fighting and quarreling among themselves?

"Oh well" items

-from today's "It was probably all just hot air anyway" Department:

LONDON (Reuters) - It is the one moment every man wants to get right -- and which London floor-fitter Lefkos Hajji could hardly have got more wrong.

The luckless 28 year-old's dreams of giving his sweetheart, Leanne, 26, the ultimate proposal have literally vanished into thin air.

Hajji, of Hackney, east London, had concealed a $12,000 engagement ring inside a helium balloon. The idea was that she would pop the balloon as he popped the question.

But as he left the shop, a gust of wind pulled the balloon from his hand and he watched the ring -- and quite possibly the affections of his girlfriend -- sailing away over the rooftops.

"I couldn't believe it," he told The Sun newspaper.

-from today's "It Pays to Keep Your Shirt On" Department:

(Reuters) - Ashley Alexandra Dupre, the call girl at the center of the Elliot Spitzer sex scandal, watched the potential earnings from her new-found fame drop by $1 million on Tuesday as old nude videos of her emerged.

Adult DVD distributor "Girls Gone Wild" discovered videos of a semi-nude Dupre, now 22, in its archives and plans to sell them on its Web site, a company spokesman said.

"Girls Gone Wild" had offered to pay Dupre $1 million to pose nude in a magazine it plans to launch but, after discovering the old footage, the company withdrew its offer.


-from today's "Every Fashion Tells ... On Itself" Department:

India's middle class is humming with "brand freaks" obsessed with luxury labels like Prada and Louis Vuitton, according to a February Washington Post dispatch, even though more than half the country lives in "abject poverty."

Said one super-consumer, "I'll spend my whole salary for a really swank brand and eat steamed rice cakes for the rest of the month."

According to the newly launched India edition of Vogue, the country's "Me Culture" has taken over, where, on an Ahmadabad road underneath towering billboards for Tag Heuer and Mont Blanc pens, barefoot kids with begging bowls tap on car windows. -original source

Vicki Van Meter March 13, 1982 – March 15, 2008

From the Associated Press

March 19, 2008

Vicki Van Meter, who made headlines in the 1990s for piloting a plane across the country at age 11 and from the U.S. to Europe at age 12, has died. She was 26.

Van Meter died Saturday of an apparently self-inflicted gunshot wound, according to the coroner's office in Crawford County, Pa. Her body was found Sunday in her home in the Pittsburgh suburb of Meadville.

Her brother said that she battled depression but that her family thought she had been dealing with her problems.

all to VISA we owe ...[clarificatied]

Folks blessed enough to have been born in the United States, especially since the 1980s, have enjoyed one of the highest standards of living in the world.

Kids born into the lifestyle of an affluent suburban household practically expect two new cars in the garage (if not two more parked in the driveway), expect to watch hi-def programming on a huge flat panel TV, expect to have cell phones, computers, entertainment centers, video games, iPods, new clothes every season, vacations, closets full of shoes, cosmetics and products, gym memberships, to eat out at least three times a week ... and yes, boats and all the rest.

We're so used to having and expecting things that we'll actually argue We're Entitled to a pre-determined standard of living. I mean, aren't we?

Heck, as Americans we even feel entitled to cheap gasoline. Not too long ago a friend described her feelings this way: "The price of gas isn't something Americans should have to worry about."

--- ---
I ran into Joe Sangl Sunday morning and mentioned that I'd watched In Debt We Trust. If you have even a single charge card in your purse or wallet I highly recommend you watch this film immediately ... before mailing in another "Pre-Approved Offer" or racking up another purchase on your Debtor's Card.

At one point in the movie, a married woman with children explains how she and her husband became hopelessly trapped in the revolving credit trap: "I grew up used to having things, and buying things with a credit card was the only way to afford them."

Actually, no: the point is she couldn't afford them at all. That's why she became trapped by debt. The charge card companies don't want you to live within your financial reality, no way. They spend billions on advertising to convince you that you're entitled to things ... and can't be happy without them.

But is there any such thing as a Happy Debtor at the end of the month, when all the revolving charges and interest come due?

--- ---

An awful lot of people suffering from charge card overload spent themselves into dread and sleeplessness because they'd convinced themselves that they were entitled to a certain standard of living, and that meant having lots of stuff.

They're used to having stuff because they grew up having stuff because their parents had stuff. (Remember for a moment that mom and dad had been married, working and saving for years to pay for- not charge- their stuff).

After watching the film the point occurred to me that while so many people, newly weds & singles alike, demand and argue their right to start off with the same material standard of living their parents gave them, I haven't heard many folks admit that their first expectation isn't having more stuff or achieving a certain material standard of living of at all ... but is attaining their parents' standard measured in marital trust, honesty, fidelity, intimacy and joy from finding, knowing and growing with each other in Christ.

Guess we're too busy pursuing happiness ... filling out charge card applications or financing a vacation home with a zero-money-down mortgage or finding a second job to make ends meet ... to even think about what we've missed in the chase.

Worshipping the Version?

I've been seeing more churches using the label KJV-Only to describe themselves.

Publicizing which translation they use is neither an accident nor any inconsequential theological thing. In a world without standards or values, KJV-Onlys are adamant about proclaiming the KJV alone to be God's inerrant & inspired word.

In a nutshell, KJV-Onlys believe the KJV was divinely translated, and is thus a divine preservation of the original divine texts. All other translations are therefore imperfect and will inevitably corrupt readers (and churches) by misleading them with false doctrines.

"God has always given His word in just one language. The OT in Hebrew, the NT in Greek. When these two were put together, He chose English." -source

--- ---
If God truly chose English as the language for his word, well, does that mean every non-speaking person in the world won't be receiving God's word, a "real Bible," at all ... but merely a translation that's second best?

Was that what God intended by choosing the KJV?
--- ---
It's funny. Two different people can read the same KJV text yet still arrive at vastly different interpretations. Each person could cite the same verses to support their position ... and each person could argue themselves bluebook in the face that only their position was "literal and not an interpretation."

Just look at all the conflicting traditional religions around the world that describe themselves as Christian and identify themselves as Protestant or Baptist or Faithful-something else. They fight each other with one hand and preach KJV from the other. Each one is adamant the others got it all wrong ... and each one blows dust from the KJV's 400 year old pages into their brothers' eyes --- not to witness and win souls for Christ ... but to prove I'm Right.

--- ---
Does God really mean for believers to slam each other upside the head with each others' codices, flawed versions and translations to prove who's right?

No. Publicly announcing "We're a KJV-only church" on a church's outside translates to acting like "God likes us more and we're holier than you" on that church's inside.

And that translation of scripture is among the most flawed interpretations of all.

Mo' MoCap

OptiTrack Motion Capture Studio

Monday Morning Musings ...updated, photo

1. Black Thunder coughed & rolled to a stop on the church parking lot yesterday morning ... and subsequently died altogether on the Hanna parking lot. Seems like I got a factory recall letter last week about a camshaft sensor problem that might cause "the engine to suddenly stop in traffic with no warning." Hmmm.

2. Got to hang out a little bit with Brent Sears, Joe S., Ben, J. Folsom, David J and Ken yesterday afternoon.

3. I'm back to driving the Grouchmobile till Black Thunder gets back from the diesel doctor.

4. Seems like there was something else; I forget. Oh yeah, Happy Saint Patrick's Day

Chicago River dyed green for St. Patrick's Day.

Fantastic Finish

Lewis wins pole-to-pole victory in crash-marred Australian Grand Prix

Melbourne (dpa) - Lewis Hamilton in a McLaren-Mercedes on Sunday won a crash-marred Australian Grand Prix in which just seven of the 22 cars finished.

The race also saw three safety car phases.

Germany's Nick Heidfeld in a BMW-Sauber was second ahead of his compatriot Nico Rosberg in a Williams.

Two-time world champion Fernando Alonso in a Renault was fourth, while the second McLaren of Hekki Kovalainen finished fifth. Rubens Barrichello in a Toyota was sixth, ahead of Kazuki Nakajima in a Williams.

The next race is the Malaysian Grand Prix on 23 March in Kuala Lumpur.

-Bangkok Post

"Ferrari vowed to fight back after a chastening season-opening Australian Grand Prix failure with Lewis Hamilton and fierce rivals McLaren ruling the roost here on Sunday.

The Italian giants endured a disastrous start to their title defence with world champion Kimi Raikkonen and Felipe Massa both failing to finish the 58-lap race in intense heat."

-afp

Ridin' Dirty

A few minutes of watching headline news this morning reminded me there's a presidential election coming in November ... and that some folks are ready to pull out all the stops to make sure their candidate gets elected.

Lots of those folks are ready to mix politics with their faith, too.

Over the past few weeks I've had believers from both sides of the political spectrum admonish me for not "getting involved" and/or supporting their candidate. Because now more than ever, the choice for believers seems so clear.

Each side argues the other is corrupt; each side argues the others' agenda is certain to ruin the country financially, culturally, morally and every way else; each side argues the others' candidate is selfish, deceitful, controlled by outside interests; each side seems to believe that believers can only support their candidate ... because clearly the other guy (or woman) is the worst sort of low-down awful sinner.

But I still haven't changed my mind: Politics is a dirty, dirty business.

-----

I doubt God spent last night pacing back and forth across Heaven worried that folks don't understand that the US presidential election is his biggest priority, or wishing more people would get out and vote, or wringing his hands about whether "his" candidate will ultimately win.

Our guy, and not some imperfect political candidate, will ultimately win ... and he won't need any stinkin' man-made election to do it.

Roberto Cavalli Tespi 380 S c.B5

The Snake Sunglasses


"The RC eyewear and shades has been taken in for a mysterious sensual and blinding woman. This critical womanhood can be related to that of the most recent RC eye glasses collection’s leitmotif: the snake, with sensuous bends adding true fascination to the collection. The snake, the icon of this tag and the motif of the collection, adds a distinguishing and exclusive element to the frames." - Roberto Cavalli online store

Wow ... right there in plain English, too.

Dr Mac & Dr John Rigby

Relaxed this morning at the range with Dr. Mac ... and a 416 Rigby.

If Christ had been here yesterday ....

I'm going back to the "Traditional Church" vs. "Contemporary Church" thing again.

OK, let's suppose Christ had lived here on earth yesterday. What would his church look like today?

Would stern-faced preachers complain that the "real" account of Christ's ministry won't exist until it's written in 400-year old English?

Would worship leaders race through music libraries, thumbing through 18th and 19th century compositions to find "real" music to set with "religious" themes?

And shoot, minarets and stained glass windows wouldn't even exist outside of mosques ... so what on earth would a "church" look like?

What's my point?

Christ never wore a suit and tie, sang to organ music or preached from behind a pulpit.

-----

I started off asking, "Suppose Christ had lived here on earth yesterday" because so many "traditional" churches act not only as though Christ had lived two thousand years ago ... but that he died 2000 years ago and the crucifixion ended the story.

So how do you worship if you believe Christ is alive today and with us right now?

If Christ is alive then why go backward a hundred years to find him inside a man-made Old Time tradition? Why act as though Christ spoke in an archaic language full of Thee's and Thou's? Why believe Christ only lives one day a week inside a man-made building with organ music, stained glass n' a steeple ... and that it's a requirement of your religion to keep him there?

Why go backwards in Christ?

Christ-like, or not?

7:37 AM

The other day I watched a youtube video recently posted by a preacher in Tempe, Arizona.

The preacher spent almost eight minutes criticizing a church he's never attended, and mocking and insulting people he's never met.

His ridicule was based on hearsay and upon his selective interpretation of cherry-picked video clips from the church's web site.

Stunned to learn that he defines a "liberal church" as one that has a "rock band" and uses the New International Version translation (instead of the KJV translation), I watched several other videos posted by the same pastor.

Some of the titles include "Joel Osteen Exposed," "The Old Fashioned Way," "The Truth and Sodomites" ... and "Why Billy Graham is Going to Hell."

-----

Whatever happened to "church" anyway?

The Apostle Paul never wore a suit n' tie, heard organ music, read from an Elizabethan or any other English translation of The Bible, went to Sunday School, attended Wednesday Night Prayer Meetings, sang all seven stanzas from a Victorian hymnal, formed a Steering Committee or visited a church with stained glass windows n' a steeple a single time in his life.

Not one time, ever.

But those traditions are what "church" is supposed to mean (never mind that stained glass windows and steeples were "borrowed" from Muslim architects, and that Modern English didn't even exist until the 16th century).

-----

This preacher continues, "When I was a teenager we went to these liberal churches where they have like a a rock band on stage and they have the NIV. Nobody ever got baptized. Nobody ever got saved."

After I finished watching his videos I went to this preacher's blog ... and read that as of November 2007, his church had baptized eleven people for the year.

-----

The only times I find Christ mentioned with either "mock," "insult" or "ridicule" is when the texts describe how the elders, Gentiles, chief priests, teachers of the law and Roman soldiers treated Christ during his trial and crucifixion.

-----
Rodomontade.

I'm not a Bible scholar or historian ... but it's hard to miss noticing pride and arrogance in the pulpit. Especially when a preacher steps back from the Gospel of Jesus Christ to inflate his own ego through mockery, insult and ridicule.

Or when a preacher's words glorify self-righteousness and embrace man-made rules and traditions ... instead of the Holy Spirit.

No assembly required

"Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity."
-1 Timothy 5:1-2

Would YOU wanna be Carlos Slim?

OK maybe that's an unfair & misleading question. Chances are you're like me, and don't even know who Carlos Slim is.

So be patient & let me try again:


Who would you rather be: Bill Gates, or Carlos Slim Helú?

Hint: Carlos is the second "richest" man in the world. Bill Gates is #3.

J. Peterman's blog?

Peterman's Eye
"daily brief for curious minds"

Thar be monsters ahead

I anchored out at Horseshoe Island this weekend. Things looked foggy Monday morning when time came to head back in.

Then the fog rolled in.

Calypso has GPS; lake monsters, not so much.

OK so I stole this ...

... from a site Ken mentioned over at AVCLUB.

It's quizzes like this one that make me stop & look at kids in a completely new & terrified way. Wow. Swarm-combat counts for lots. Yikes.

19

Sounds like the wind

Travis Barker

More here.

one day I'll find a perfect church filled with people who think just like I do

Oh sure I may have to wait till I get to Heaven ... where everybody's perfect.



But then, what if everybody started pointing & asking, "What's he doing here?"

I'm just glad salvation isn't based on good works, committees, campaign pledges, voting ... or majority decisions of any kind.

Be successful!

I like these quotes a lot:

"Success is simple. Do what's right, the right way, at the right time."

"An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied. "

"Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope."

"Fear is the lengthened shadow of ignorance."

"Improvement begins with I."

-Arnold H. Glasow

The Romance of Senseless Waste & Tragedy

Spoiler Alert: The potato seeds weren't poisonous

Back in August of last year I mentioned John Krakauer's book Into the Wild and urged you to read it.

"What would possess a gifted young man recently graduated from college to literally walk away from his life? Noted outdoor writer and mountaineer Jon Krakauer tackles that question in his reporting on Chris McCandless, whose emaciated body was found in an abandoned bus in the Alaskan wilderness in 1992." - from Amazon.com

In a nutshell, Krakauer "saw in the cross-continent wanderings of [Chris] McCandless and his final, tragic Alaska death the footprints of 'the grip the wilderness has on American imagination, the allure high-risk activities hold for young men of a certain mind, the complicated, highly charged bond that exists between fathers and sons.'” - source

Wednesday I watched Sean Penn's film version on DVD.


The film portrayed Chris McCandless as a heroic figure and, according to Wikipedia, "By 2002, the abandoned bus on the Stampede Trail where McCandless camped had become a tourist destination."

But film-making is an art ... and the necromancer's craft, like story-telling and schizophrenia, often has little to do with the thorny issue of Real Life:

"Unlike Krakauer and many readers of his book, who have a largely sympathetic view of McCandless, some Alaskans have negative views of both McCandless and those who romanticize his fate. Because he had no maps, McCandless was unaware that a hand-operated tram crossed the impassible river only 6 miles from the Stampede Trail. There were also cabins stocked with emergency supplies within a few miles of the bus, although they had been vandalized and all the supplies were spoiled, possibly by McCandless himself, as detailed in Lamothe's documentary.

"Alaskan Park Ranger Peter Christian wrote: 'I am exposed continually to what I will call the ‘McCandless Phenomenon.’ People, nearly always young men, come to Alaska to challenge themselves against an unforgiving wilderness landscape where convenience of access and possibility of rescue are practically nonexistent […]

"When you consider McCandless from my perspective, you quickly see that what he did wasn’t even particularly daring, just stupid, tragic, and inconsiderate. First off, he spent very little time learning how to actually live in the wild. He arrived at the Stampede Trail without even a map of the area. If he [had] had a good map he could have walked out of his predicament […] Essentially, Chris McCandless committed suicide.” [emphasis added]

"Judith Kleinfeld wrote in the Anchorage Daily News that 'many Alaskans react with rage to his stupidity. You'd have to be a complete idiot, they say, to die of starvation in summer 20 miles off the Park's Highway.'" -quoted text passages sourced here


His body was found in his sleeping bag inside the bus, weighing just 67 pounds.

Renouncing Christ

The church we went to when I was a kid had regularly-scheduled annual Revivals.

A Revival meant going to church every night of the week ... and that meant missing just about everything on TV for that week (no VCRs in those days).

But it was usually during Revivals that we heard the most harrowing tales of how others had suffered for Christ. Stories of Christians who'd been persecuted, tortured and murdered rather than renounce their faith in Christ.

Revival messages often left us tearfully challenged, "What would you do? If you had to make the decision, would you deny Christ to save your life? Or would you put yourself aside, and die for him instead?"

Of course none of us hopes to ever be put to such a transcendent test, and merely pondering the possibility of having to make such a choice leaves us feeling queasy.

Shoot, we don't need to be persecuted or confronted to know where we stand ... because we already know how much easier it is to deny Christ than it is to deny ourselves.

Like when facing the choice of denying ourselves, or denying Christ so we can:

- get the raise or promotion we covet
- lie to avoid the consequences of our actions
- church-shop till we find one promising to soothe every need
- pursue a romantic interest or relationship
- seek ambition, wealth, or popularity
- avoid creating friction or inconvenience in our hectic "lifestyles"

"Jesus replied, 'If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.'" - John 14:23

"Then he said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.'" - Luke 9:23

BassMaster Reflection

Marina City, after hours

Got up at 4 AM this morning to snap a photo of what Marina City looks like in the middle of the night. Amazing really, when ya stop to think about it.

Buried in Religion - or resurrected with Christ?

We don't worship a God whom we created in OUR IMAGE. We don't serve a God who says MAYBE or IF YOU'D RATHER. And we can't live hoping a DEAD IDOL will fix what's broken inside us.

We worship the God who says, I AM.

We serve the God who says, I DO NOT CHANGE.

We live because CHRIST IS ALIVE within us.

Finally, a connection

-Whichever way the wind blows, there goes my wireless connection.

Haven't been able to log-on till now; I thought it must be the Flu, or something to do with BassMasters. Either way, the iPhone is already Absolete (my word coinage, meaning "absolutely obsolete"). Check out the HAMBURGER PHONE instead ... and make mine medium-rare:

The phone rings. You pick it up..."Can you hold on for a second? I'm on my hamburger phone. It's just like really awkward to talk on."* Straight out of the blockbuster comedy Juno comes The Original Hamburger Phone, available to you online while supplies last! Technically, this is a cheeseburger phone, not a hamburger phone. But you'll just call it your new best friend. The burger phone has the following functions: Receiving a call Making a call Redial a call function Tone/Pulse Switchable LED In-use indicator Molded plastic: bun, cheese, ground chuck patty Size: 4" x 4" x 2 3/8" Weight: 330g Note: Do not eat the burger phone. Keep out of the reach of dogs born in Burger King parking lots and hungry young children. *If you actually said this you'd be quoting Juno from Juno Hamburger Phone 2008 FREE SHIPPING special: Buy two or more burgerphones and get Free Worldwide Shipping. Makes a great gift for a hamburger-loving friend! During checkout use the coupon code: FREE-SHIPPING Standard Shipping Info Domestic: UPS Ground 3-7 days $8.95 International: USPS Intl Air $12.95 Questions about your order? Comments, complaints, suggestions? Email us at: support@thehamburgerphone.com We accept PayPal, Visa, MasterCard, American Express, and Discover. - Satisfaction Guaranteed - Return your burger phone within 30 days for a full refund. Copyright 2008 Vartan Enterprises LLC. All trademarks used are properties of their respective owners.

It's been going around

Scientists didn't get the vaccine right this year, and lots of folks been succumbing to "A mild case of Flu."

So why isn't "a mild case of Flu" called "Having the Mu"?

Whatever happened to that crotchety old guy?

When I was a kid I used to cringe every time I heard the name Paul. Seems like he spent most of the New Testament sailing around the Med & writing scolding letters to churches. He called believers "Brothers," but Paul didn't sound like the kind of relative you hoped would make a surprise appearance at Thanksgiving or Christmas.

At least, that was my old impression.

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." -Roman 12:9-10

"The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." - Romans 13:12

"Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." -Romans 13:10

"What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit?" - 1 Corinthians 4:21

"I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power." -1 Corinthians 2:3-5

Outta the Water, outta the Oscars too

I feel so left outta Hollywood. Like I found out this morning the Academy Awards were last night, and didn't even know it. To make matters worse, reading through the nominees, I realized I haven't seen a single one.

Blame it on sheer exhaustion following 3 days of nail-biting tension during The 2008 BassMaster Classic. Yeah, that sounds as good as anything else.

ps. My guy didn't win the Classic, either.

Notes from the BassMaster Parking Lot

Two things I notice while watching Marina City host 25,000 enthusiastic bass-fishing fans for the Classic this weekend:

1) Drivers unfamiliar with the marina tend to pull in and abruptly Slam On The Brakes ... as if trying to fathom how a massive lake magically appeared in their windshield. An urgent case of STOP is likely to happen anywhere that suits them, but especially when there's 10 vehicles stacked up waiting to get around.
Hint: parking spaces are for stopping. Lanes are for moving. Please.

2) Folks piloting huge SUV's and trucks with 60" tires, quad-shocks on each wheel, 16" lift kits, with off-roading decals and header pipes will pull into Marina City with all the thunder of Thor commandeering Valhalla ... but then slam on the brakes to creep over speed bumps at a snails' pace ... more slowly than I can crawl through calculus equations in my head (and I never took calculus).

I mean if you wanna see the sights, then pull outta the way of folks who know where they're going.

And don't be scared of hitting speed bumps if you're qualified to drive a Big Rig.

Who ya gonna campaign for in November?

-from "Confessions of a Recovering Pharisee"

"The two fastest-growing church bodies in the United States and Canada, according to a newly published report, are ones whose beliefs are known to conflict with traditional Christian teaching.

"Jehovah’s Witnesses and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, regarded by many Christians as cults, reported the largest membership increases in a year, according to the National Council of Churches’ 2008 Yearbook of American & Canadian Churches." - read more here

"The truth is that both the Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons are more serious about evangelism that the Christian churches. The Christian churches have become more involved in politics and arguments with each other then to look around at our communities and neighbors who are dying and going to spend eternity away from God." - Kevin Bussey