What's the New Year gonna bring?

People around the world, not just here in the U.S. (where we tend to fret mostly about gas prices),  have a grab bag of reasons to be concerned about what life will bring in 2009.

Will the coming year see increased political or financial instability, or an increase in terrorist attacks?  Will we face climate changes, hurricanes and tsunamis, earthquakes and floods ... or even a global pandemic?

I dunno.

One thing's for sure about the future though: every second of every day will take us closer to the day Christ returns and solves all of mankind's problems ... forever.

The seventh angel sounded his trumpet, and there were loud voices in heaven, which said: 
   "The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ, 
      and he will reign for ever and ever."

- Revelation 11:15

Will Rodes rocks

This is probably the coolest Christmas card I've ever seen ... 

Amazing Ducks!

(- from today's Silly Science Department)

Just got back from spending almost 50 minutes outside, which was more than plenty: it's blistering cold ... 27.2 degrees with a 10 knot wind and 58% humidity.  It's the kind of damp, gusty chill that bites through wind-stopping fleece and stings exposed skin like swarms of Arctic ant bites.

I mean, if Arctic ants had evolved yet.

Couldn't help noticing that the frigid conditions didn't seem to be bothering the ducks very much.  I don't think they were affected at all, and kept merrily swimming on their feathery way ... in water that would knock thee or me into hypothermic shock in minutes.

See, ducks have waterproof feathers.  A gland near the tail spreads an oil that covers the outer feathers, and beneath that waterproof layer are soft fluffy feathers to keep ducks warm.

Not only that, but ducks got no nerves or blood vessels in their feets, which means their paddlers never get cold no how.

Evolution sure is grand to predict all of a duck's problems in advance, develop creative solutions, and then apply all those nifty features in time to save the species, isn't it?

Oh, so Not.

--  ---  --

Can you imagine if EVOLUTION was a corporation?  I wonder what Evolution LLC's slogan might sound like:

Evolution: Somehow Always One Step Ahead

Evolution: Predicting Tomorrow's Advantage Today!

Evolution: Science's Best Guess

 

I Can't Wait to See Jesus - con't.

What did Christ look like?  Used to find myself wondering about it all the time.

Wouldn't faith be easier today if we had an accurate historical description in the Gospels, or even better, a true-to-life drawing on a scroll that had somehow survived 2000 years, extant today so we could see His face, read Christ's expression, "get a feel for who He was" and be assured that Jesus was real?   

Wouldn't seeing a real picture of Jesus help soothe all our doubts?

I don't think so: Christ's message had nothing to do with His appearance, or with what He looked like on the outside.

--  ---  --

You've probably seen framed reprints of paintings in churches, reproductions depicting either a glowing, doe-eyed Jesus focused longingly in prayer toward Heaven, or Christ crucified on the cross ... looking more tired and sad than what he surely was: scourged, dying and in torment.

The idea of hanging an accurate portrait of a naked, flayed, crucified and dying Jesus inside a church building would be repugnant ... but then, why re-invent and sanitize the reality of what Christ suffered and endured to guarantee our salvation, except to make the crucifixion more palatable (and "decent") ... and reduce the cross to little more than a spiritual lucky charm?

--  ---  --

Crucifixion was the most humiliating, public and agonizing death the Romans, who had centuries of experience culled through barbarous trial and error, could devise ... and that's saying an awful lot.  

The pain of being crucified had to be so excruciating and horrific that we can't even begin to imagine what it must be like.

But that's why Christ chose to be crucified in our place.

Not because we're righteous, church-going and gung-ho to condemn others for their sins.  Not because we're willing to contribute generously to causes we agree with (especially those promising to have our names displayed) or because we feel our role is so important, church couldn't open without the pastor asking our opinion about which door to unlock first.  

And not because we're holy, 99.99% sin-free and therefore deserved His substitution.

It's because Christ loved us so much that He was willing to die for us even though we were sinners.

No matter what we looked like, especially on the outside.

Putting 14,308 people in perspective

I tried thinking about what 14,308 people* means in this way: 

- Assume it takes 3 seconds to read the three words in each person's name aloud

- Assume you start reading each one of 14,308 names right now

- Assume my arithmetic is correct: it'd take almost 4 hours to pronounce each person's name, with no pause in-between

Wow.  It might seem easy to dismiss souls as "just numbers" ... at least until each number has a name. 

With a personal, individual eternity to face one day, too.

* 14,308 people attended services this weekend at New Spring Church.

Now you can smell like a Whopper

Wow.  Just in time for the holidays, too.

Burger King Flame Body Spray for Men

Can you hold the mayo on mine, please?

Isn't our church supposed to stamp out evil?

"Our church" ... or do you mean Christ's church?

So far as our duty to "stamp out evil" is concerned, Christ lived and walked in human form for 33 years ... and could've "stamped out evil" once and for all in about a billionth of a nanosecond if that's what He'd intended.

Uh oh, somebody out there is already smirking and wondering, "Then why was Jesus here?"

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

- John 3:17

--  ---  --

After He ascended into Heaven, the church was to be Christ's body here on earth ... commissioned to continue His ministry of spreading the gospel: not to provide a spiritual country club rewarding our private ambitions, not to become a political party, not a place to glorify each other with extravagant funerals, not a place for believers to huddle-up, hide and feel superior to sin (and sinners), and not a place to provide a public piety forum wherein thou dost fabricate new self-righteous rules from whole cloth ... by protesting, boycotting and condemning all forms of evil, excepteth thine own.

Guess what-  Christ is coming back- He told us so and that means it's guaranteed- and when He does, He said it's gonna be with both barrels loaded, to stamp out evil once and for all and establish His reign forever ... with no short-cuts, no voting, no church budget issues, no committees, no Bake Sales, no boycotts, no Organ Prelude in C# Minor, no "The membership says maybe next year" ... and with No Help or Advice From Thee required.

And since I believe Christ wasn't kidding when He said He's coming back to eliminate sin and evil forever, I also believe He meant what He said about His church ... and what it should be until then.

High and Mighty

- more from Under the Banner of Heaven

What caused convicted murderers (and Mormon Fundamentalists) Ron and Dan Lafferty to become so firmly convinced that God had begun speaking directly to them through "revelations" ... which included a commandment to kill a 24-year old woman (below) and her infant child?

Could be that their judgement was impaired by the repeated use of mind-altering intoxicants, which contributed to their conviction that God had chosen them for a very peculiar role ... to commit multiple murders ... while protecting and serving His kingdom. 

Raised in a strictly abstemious family, Ron Lafferty (above) was first introduced to wine at age 42, and described it as giving him "a nice, mellow feeling that 'heightened his strength of spirit.'"   

Soon thereafter, Lafferty began insisting that wine be served, instead of water or juice, during the sacrement that began each church meeting.

After he began smoking marijuana in 1984, Dan Lafferty (above) said "I felt I was having my heart and mind opened to something much more mysterious and serious than I had ever imagined."

Getting baked, Dan observed, was "much like becoming a child and being introduced into a whole new world ... I've concluded that the scripture which says, 'Unless you become like a little child, you can't see the Kingdom of Heaven' is another secret reference to getting high; as is also the mysterious account of Moses seeing God through the burning bush." - Krakauer, p. 178

For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.

- Matthew 15:19

--  ---  ---

According to Mormom Fundamentalist Alex Joseph (now deceased) of the Confederate States of the Exiled Nations of Israel, "Jesus was a visionary seaman and was crucified by the Romans after He discovered the secret of transoceanic navigation."

 - Krakauer, p. 180

Church disciplines woman for "Immoral Relationship"

The Mandarin church that plans to publicly discipline a former member for what senior officials call a "sexually immoral relationship" went private itself Thursday.

After news reports of the situation created a stir this week, Grace Community Church's Web site was inaccessible, the pastor's home phone was disconnected, the church's office doors were locked by 4 p.m. and the church issued only a short, new statement.

The controversy that had hundreds of users flooding Jacksonville.com with comments centers on Rebecca Hancock, who is divorced. She said she left the Christian church at 10938 Hood Road S. in October after members confronted her about her sexual relationship with her boyfriend.

The church said it will tell the congregation of her behavior at services on Sunday, Jan. 4. The action is designed to "lead a sinning brother and sister to repentance and restoration," according to the church's Dec. 8 letter to Hancock.

-  full story here

Tugboat Fandango

I need to start toting a camera with me at all times: the photo above was taken as soon as I'd climbed back aboard Calypso and grabbed my camera ... about a minute too late.

It's gonna be hard describing what I saw, so please be patient ... and use your imagination.

Two tugboats were busy moving Meriom Iris away from its dock, but then one tugboat did something I've never seen before.  

Soon as the ship was clear of the dock and steering under her own power, one of the tugs backed up to the ship's bow (front) on the starboard (right) side, and helped steer the ship into the channel.

What?!

Then as the ship began picking up speed, the tiny tug began rotating counter-clockwise, until it reached the 3 o'clock position, and quietly scooted out of the way.  Still, the tugboat was pushing against and helping steer the massive ship the whole time ... even while the tug itself was facing backwards and turning herself in the opposite direction.

I don't know much about either tugboats or seamanship, but seeing the tug captain doing his stuff was incredible.

Like a mechanized maritime dance, in 3D.

--   ---  --

This is so cool: real-time vessel locations here.

Execution Counts

(Friday humor, I hope)

Remarked here the other day that the marina turns off the dockside faucets in mid-November, to keep their pipes from freezing.

So, how are folks on boats supposed to take a shower?  The marina has a (nice) shower room, open 24x7 (assuming you've got an electronic fob, or pass).

It's a great, well thought-out facility.  Each shower has its own private dressing area, with a bench ... and three clothes hooks on the wall, for convenience.  It's much nicer than the primitive, cramped shower stall on Calypso ... and there's practically unlimited hot water (unlike Calypso).

It's just ... it's just that no matter how hard I try, no matter how careful I try to be and no matter how much I try to concentrate, it's still proved impossible for me to shower and change clothes ... without dropping at least some of my clean clothes on the wet shower floor.

My clean-clothes fiasco has been ongoing for years.

It's true: all my dirty clothes will remain obediently in place, but all things clean can't wait to find the floor, and usually land in exactly the place where the water's standing deepest.  Why is that?

Got absolutely no idea whatsoever; maybe what I need is a fallback plan.

Don't get around much any more

The truck battery's dead.  Not sure why, except I haven't been driving much.  Like, at all.

Hmmm.  I figured things up, and realized I've driven exactly 4.4 miles in about the past 4.5 months ... and poor Calypso hasn't moved even once since she got tied up in her slip.

On the other hand, wonder how many miles I've walked back and forth, lugging bags from the grocery store, shuttling clothes to the laundry room and toting water up and down the dock?  (The marina turns off the water in the middle of November, to keep their pipes from freezing ... which means jugging your own from the parking lot spigot.)

Tote is a good word; I wish we used it more often.

"Under the Banner of Heaven" - cont'd

I'm almost halfway through John Krakauer's Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith.

The narrative's not nearly as riveting as Into Thin Air nor as spellbinding as Into the Wild, but Under the Banner of Heaven does include concise, and revealing, summaries of both Joseph Smith's biography and the early history of the Mormon Church.

For example, Smith first began translating the cryptic "reformed Egyptian" symbols recorded on the six inch stack of thin gold plates (hidden away for thousands of years, until their location was revealed by "the angel Moroni") that would eventually be printed as "The Book of Mormon" using magic glasses called "interpretors" ... divinely endowed spectacles generously provided by Moroni.  

After Smith's scribe, Martin Harris, misplaced the first 116 pages of the translation, Moroni took back and re-hid the gold plates (and Smith's translating spectacles) in a pique of angelic anger.

Moroni finally cooled off and returned the plates to Smith in 1828, but the angel apparently chose to punish Smith by withholding the magic glasses ... leaving Smith to translate the remainder of the heiroglyphs using his favorite "peep stone," a rock Smith had found while digging a well in 1822.

(Smith's translation technique involved placing the peep stone at the bottom of an upturned hat, pressing his face over the hat, and then dictating "the lines of scripture that appeared to him out of the blackness.")

Concerning polygamy, it seems that the doctrine of "celestial wifery," unacknowledged until 1852 (eight years after Smith's death), wasn't a "divine revelation" at all, but most likely the result of Smith's intractable compulsion to have sex with an un-ending supply of teenage girls.

At least Smith's wife, Emma, thought so too.

--   ---  --

Since its inception on April 6, 1830, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints can lay claim to two troubling accomplishments:

First, Mormonism is well on its way to becoming a major world religion ... the first to do so since Islam.

Second: with more than 12 million members, Mormonism is the fastest growing religion in the Western Hemisphere.  From 1984 to 2000, membership grew at an average 52% per year; some estimates claim that by the year 2080, membership could be as high as 280 million.

"The Mormon Church is the fastest growing religion in the world! Doesn't this indicate that it is God's work?"

No, it does not.

For comparison, from 1994-1996, Islam grew at an average 4% per year, adding more members annually than the total number of Mormons ... while Falun Gong, a Chinese religious movement that went public in 1985, increased to over 10 million members by 2000.

That's going from zero to 10 million+  in just 15 years.

--   ---  --

BTW, Southern Baptists acknowledge that baptisms are at a 20-year low: 70% of its churches are plateaued or declining, and one former SBC president warned that within 20 years half of all Southern Baptist churches could die off. 

Whatcha reading?

Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith

- by John Krakauer

Found Krakauer's latest book on the "free" shelf in the marina laundry room the other day; it's an account of brothers Ron and Dan Lafferty, members of a polygamous Fundamentalist Mormon sect known as "The School of the Prophets," who insist they received a commandment from God to kill an innocent woman and her infant girl in July 1984.

The following quote from the prologue caught my attention; it's a pretty fair depiction of a zealot ... in this case, men who were attracted to the tenents of a particular religion and became trapped in  a self-assured neurosis that betrayed their "faith" ... and led to an aberrant spiral of egomania and self-deceit.

"The zealot may be outwardly motivated by the anticipation of a great reward at the other end- wealth, fame, eternal salvation- but the real recompense is probably the obsession itself.

"This is no less true for the religious fanatic than for the fanatical pianist or fanatical mountain climber.  As a result of this his (or her) infatuation, existence overflows with purpose.  Ambiguity vanishes from the fanatic's worldview; a narcissistic sense of self-assurance displaces all doubt.

"A delicious rage quickens his pulse, fueled by the sins and shortcomings of lesser mortals, who are soiling the world wherever he looks.  His perspective narrows until the last remnants of proportion are shed from his life.  Through immoderation, he experiences something akin to rapture."

Boatbuilding Word Know-How

- Notes from the curious language of wood boatbuilding

This is only my opinion, but wood boats are gorgeous.  

Wood is natural, wood is organic, wood simply better conforms and wraps itself to the complex bends and 3D curves that can make a wood boat seem stunning and classic, while its newer fiberglass cousin bobs around like a half-sunk bleach bottle.

Trouble is, there's not a major manufacturer hand-building wood boats any more.  So what's the aspiring boatbuilder to do?

--   ---  --

Anyone with the slightest interest in boats has surely entertained the notion of building their own from scratch; Amazon has a long list of books devoted to the craft of backyard boatbuilding.

But as easy as the authors can make building-your-own sound, there's more to boatbuilding than buying a set of plans, cutting up some plywood and hammering together a boat.

Compared to simpler, more manageable alternatives (like steel, fiberglass or even cement ... yep, cement), building a wood boat virtually promises to be a painstakingly slow, labor intensive and financially frustrating proposition.

Besides fundamental carpentry skills being a requirement (which counts me out), there's more than a few tricks of the trade involved, too.

Staying out of boatbuilding trouble (like, cutting a sewer cover-sized hole for the mast in the wrong place) meant that old-time shipbuilders created their own jargon to express their requirements: this new language was necessary to successfully translate a naval archetect's drawings from paper sheets, into a precisely-fitted ship (and hopefully also, a seaworthy vessel).

Some terms from the boatbuilder's vocabulary are hundreds of years old and are so arcane now that they have little application or relevance anywhere outside a New England shipyard.  More than a handful are indecipherable today ... without a glossary of boatbuilding terms.

So yo ho ho here we go, here's a few frightful examples from A Shipwright in Training:

Backing Out: Scooping out wood from the inside of a plank to give it a little hollow. This allows the plank to sit tight up against a curved frame.

Bearding Line: The line formed by the inboard edge of the Rabbet.

Broads: The planks next to the garboard.

Bung hole:  The countersink above a screw head that allows a screw to seat below the surface of the wood. After the screw is sunk, a bung is driven into the hole to seal it.

Buttocks: Slices of a boat made lengthwise, and top to bottom. Like slicing a banana the long way for a banana split. The buttock lines help to describe how the boat shape changes from center to edge.

Despiling: The process of copying the information off of your spiling batten onto a plank.

Fair: Oh don’t even bother asking me to explain this. It means “good looking.” Sometimes it’s curved, sometimes not, but it’s one of those things that after you see it you realize you always knew it.

Feather:  A thin spline put into a wide caulking bevel to close it up prior to caulking.

Hood End: The end of a plank that butts up against the stem of the boat.

Garboard: The plank next to the keel.

Hounds: Wooden protrusions glued to the mast. The forestay, sidestays & other rigging rest on these wooden parts. On many boats, the hounds are made of metal and the rigging attaches directly to them. When the hounds are made of wood, they form a small shelf that keeps the loop of rigging from sliding down the mast.

Kerfing: A means of making a joint tight by sawing lightly at the juncture of the 2 parts. The saw blade takes off the high spots in the joint, and when it’s removed, you should be able to slide the 2 parts perfectly flush to each other. The name comes from the saw kerf, or width of the cut made by the saw.

Limber holes:  Holes in framing members that allow water to collect in the lowest part of the bilge. Without limber holes, water would be trapped in the little bilge spaces between frames or floors and just sit there.

Mast Partner: Part of the deck and forms the upper support for the mast. The partner works with the lower support, the Mast Step, to hold the mast vertically.

Riser: A long strip of wood attached to the frames on the inside of the boat that forms a shelf to support the Seats, Thwarts, and Sheets.

Rub rail: A strip of wood along the top outside edge of the sheer plank. Often covered by rope, rubber, or something else tough to keep your boat from getting banged up as it bumps up against pilings and other things.

Stem: The front part of the boat’s spine. It’s the solid, usually curved piece of wood that the planks merge into at the front of the boat.

Stern Post: A wooden piece that supports the Transom and attaches it to the Keel.

Swallowtail: A metal support that acts like a chain plate. It is used to spread the load of a piece of deck hardware down from the deck to the frames and other structural members of the boat.

Thank goodness fiberglass arrived with new construction methods and its own vocabulary, finally relieving amateur boatbuilders of kerfing together sentences like .... oh, never mind.  I'm not even gonna try.

Pastor, I'm really worried about the direction this church is heading

Ever heard somebody say that?

I think what it means is, "Paid employee, I'm mad nobody's listening to my opinions ... and I'm afraid any new direction means I won't be a church big shot any more."

Could be, hmmm.

Notes on "Having Sex"

"Having Sex" is an expression that seems to say a lot, although it's often said without meaning very much.  "Having sex" is a convenient phrase; we use it because we assume everybody is already familiar with what we're talking about.

"Having sex" is generically used to describe and explain all sorts of human behaviors, in all kinds of situations and variations.  Like the "scientific studies" favored by magazine polls, for example:

- X% of college-aged women have had sex before age 16

- X% of men have had sex with N number of female partners

- X% of married couples have had sex with a partner besides their spouse, outside of marriage

- X% of unmarried people under 30 have had sex while under the influence of alcohol

- X% of married people have told lies about themselves in order to have sex

Ugh.  We're in debt up to our ear lobes from our national preoccupation with Having Stuff, yet based on the poll figures, we still find lots of time left over to daydream about ... you guess it ... having sex.

--   ---  --

Usually I read the NIV or Holman Christian Standard translations because my Elizabethean English is still rusty.  But Gem-E & The CTs (King James and the Codex Translators) scored big-time with their poetic rendering of sexual intimacy in Genesis 4:1:

And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD. [emphasis added]

- Genesis 4:1 (KJV)

Not "And Adam saw Eve and her navel, and pondering these things mightily, lusted and foundeth her hot as a furnace."  

Not "And Adam met Eve and Eve was lonely, withering for Mr. Right, and lo she lay her eyes on Adam and figureth, 'Why not?'"  

And definitely not "And Adam drew himself beside Eve, and having become smitten with her fineness, said unto her "Yea, I liketh the way thee ..."

OK, you get the idea.  

The world warps holy, sexual intimacy into self-satisfying sin ... and even leads believers into thinking Sex Is Ok If We Want To: We're in love, so what's the big deal?

The "big deal" is that sexual intimacy outside of marriage is a sin: God said so.  And I doubt God worries much what people think, or ever pays much attention to polls or to Cosmo.

--   ---  --

"Having sex" doesn't come close to describing what happens when a man and woman join in a Godly sexual union, because "having sex" overlooks any distinction between what happens when animals feel compelled to reproduce, and what God intended to be an imperishable communion glorifying Him: an intimate trust,  privately and uniquely shared; a life-long committment spiritually expressed between believers, in marriage.

Sexual intimacy outside of marriage is the shortcut we look for when we feel a vulnerable hole in our hearts ... instead of asking, and allowing God to answer and fill that emptiness instead.

For safety's sake, keep all ropes securely tied to shore at all times

Sure, space exploration is dangerous.  Ships are also dangerous, unless they're in a harbor.

But ships were meant to sail ... so what good is a ship in a harbor?

-NASA Mission Specialist

Give Thanks this week ... for the wrestlers

I saw a lot of pro wrestling as a kid.

Usually I watched on TV, but the best was seeing live wrestling at either The Sportatorium, or at the old Fort Homer Hesterly Armory.  I saw some great matches in that un-air-conditioned smoke-filled arena ... including one terrific night with The Brown Bomber himself, Joe Louis.

But I'm not talking about Pro Wrestlers; I'm talking about the wrestlers on staff at your church.

"Church" doesn't just magically happen at 11 AM on Sunday mornings.  The pastor doesn't spend his work week doing "routine stuff," making hospital visits and dozing off in his office, and then step up to the pulpit expecting to find his message neatly typed by research fairies or sermon gnomes.

Worship music doesn't happen during the service because the worship leader suddenly got inspired during the drive over from his house ... and then just happened to remember the words and chords to the music while walking across the parking lot to the church building.

Nor does stuff get done at church because there's so many folks in the congregation sitting at home during the week calling each other to say, "Why, for what we tithe, somebody down at that church office ought to get busy and do such-and-such."  

And uh oh ... churches don't grow and reach people for Christ because influential members are so adept at flinging dung at the pastor's vision ... while explaining that their opinions are only meant to "fertilize the field for the harvest."  

"Too much fertilizer, and not enough toiling and tilling, leaves the soil stinking."

- Poor Papa's Almanac

Things get done at church and souls are reached for Christ because ordinary folks, people who wrestle with the same fears,  temptations and day to day crises as thee and me, yet who still find strength in God to persevere and place Him first ... put their personal "druthers" aside and show up on Sundays to serve Him.

Too often, church staff "performs and executes" without much acknowledgement from the folks who've come to expect church to "be there" and function like clockwork ... just because the calendar's ticked off another It Must Be Sunday morning.

But the truth is that church happens because ordinary folks, whether church staff or volunteers,  are dedicated to serving and obeying God, no matter what else they're wrestling with in their personal lives.

So instead of finding negatives and criticizing your church through the week, try to start saying something positive and encouraging instead.  Even if it means digging down deep, and doing some wrestling of your own ... to defeat old, un-Godly habits.

Then try calling the church office, and finding out how you can serve to make next Sunday happen.

The worst feeling in the world might be ...

What's the worst feeling in the world?

The answer probably depends on who you ask; there's one candidate for Worst Feeling in the World that's been at the top of my list for a couple of years.

I live on a boat, but no matter whether a boat is huge or small, whether it's got central heat and air, HDTV, running hot water and a bathtub, satellite communications and engines big enough to drag Hawaii around The Strait of Magellan and into the Atlantic, there's still one critical way that boats are different than houses.

Houses don't move.

Boats, on the other hand, are affected by (and generally at the mercy of) current, wind, tides and wake from other (inconsiderate) boaters.

Even if you can't always feel it, unless they're out of the water, sunk, or trapped in ice, boats are always moving, either rocking, swaying or bobbing back and forth.  And a boat that's already moving is always about to move even more .... usually in the direction you'd least expect.

The constant rocking becomes more problematic when climbing on or off the boat, in part because the dock and your boat's deck are never at the same height.  On Calypso, it's a 35" lung-emptying grunt either way, climbing either on or off the boat.

Which gets more tricky if it's dark, windy, raining, or sleeting.  Worse yet when all four are happening at the same time ... and you're already as clumsy as  The Tin Man with three under-torqued joints, like me.

Just imagine standing on the side of a boat in the dark, trying to unzipper the canvas door to  get inside.   You've done it hundreds of times, but of course tonight is the night the zipper's chosen to get ornery and stick ... so you've gotta manuever into a position to switch hands.

There's nothing in the darkness behind you but about the eight feet of empty space separating your precious, one-of-a-kind head from the unforgiving dock and its metal pilings ... oh, and an awkward, bone-snapping fall after that.  People die falling off boats the time, they really do.  

You try to stop thinking about what it would sound like crashing noggin-first onto the concrete and then gurgling away under the waves, because all you've gotta do is let go long enough to get that silly zipper un-stuck and sliding again.

You reach for the zipper with your right hand when a sudden chop of wind and waves simultaneously hit from opposite directions ... and in that unfair millisecond you and the boat also start moving in opposite directions.  

You think you can regain your balance like every other time but No, 

You're going to fall now.  And the outcome's gonna be very, very bad.

You know the I'm falling backwards feeling, but that's not the worst feeling.

In the first instant as your body pitches back, the labyrinth system in your inner ear senses Fall!! Fall Fall! and starts screaming for any available muscle and tendon to react and Do something right now!

You know the feeling: it's like a sudden punch in the middle of the gut that makes you wanna vomit.  But that's not the worst feeling either.

Your reflex arc takes command, temporarily by-passing sending any more signals to your brain, and begins firing spinal motor neurons with a panicked urgency to solve the problem your conscious mind (and your clumsiness) has created.  

Your reflex arc is just a bundle of neurons and can't actually see anything, but somehow it already knows You installed a handhold on the side of the boat ... to prevent falls like this from happening.

Your arm shoots out faster than a frog's tongue can snag a fly, and makes a frenzied grab for the handhold.

You got it.

Clutching the handhold and wondering if you can regain your balance before your fingertips peel off under the strain of your weight sounds bad, but the worst feeling in the world isn't reaching out for a handhold ... and only grabbing hold with your fingertips.

No sir.

The worst feeling in the world might be falling backward and reaching through the darkness for a handhold ... that isn't there.

Surely God is my help; 
       the Lord is the one who sustains me.

- Psalm 54:4