The people involved are both adults, have been dating just shy of a year, are both divorced and both have children. The reason she called was because she and her boyfriend had an explosive, name-calling, expletive-filled argument this morning ... it just happened to occur in front of his 7-year old son.
It's likely that she'll read this post ... I hope they both do ... because what I told her is worth posting here.
Don't ever do that again. Don't even think like it's a possibility. Period.
Adults, but particularly parents, can easily overlook the weight and intensity their words convey. To a child, no one's words or opinions are as important, or carry the potential for hurt, as a parent's.
And even if the child's parents' argument isn't directly concerned with the child, its impact certainly is. To start accusing, name-calling or score-settling in front of a child isn't just unacceptable: it's reprehensible. Don't ever do that again.
My parents didn't do it and my grandparents never did it either. Kids learn by observation, and I learned an exquisite, life-long lesson from their example: Don't fight or argue in front of kids. Ever. No matter what the circumstances or the cause, there's simply to reason to ever let it happen. Leave the kids out of it; don't even let the kids know about it.
For crying out loud, your children look up to and want to respect ... and admire ... you. They want to think you're perfect, even though you, I and God know that you're not. Don't let your children down ... especially when it's so easy to avoid doing it.
And no I'm not saying to be deceitful, or to save your fighting and name-calling so you can explode at each other when you're together behind closed doors. What I'm saying is Don't fight with each other at all.
Is somebody out there hollering, "Well, I'll say and do what I want to because they're my kids"?
No, they're not. You may like to think "If it wasn't for me my kids never woulda been born" but you'd be Biblically mistaken, because your attitude leaves God out of the parenting equation. Parents are the recepients but children, every single one of them, are a gift from God. And children don't deserve to be treated like pets or appliances ... and exposed to your dirty laundry.
"Joe, let me tell you something. Kids need to get used to life early and besides, my momma and daddy screamed and hollered bloody murder and fought all the time and it didn't do me no harm ... just look how I turned out." Exactly: you think it's OK to argue, scream, fight and call your wife ugly names in front of your kids. So don't be surprised when your son starts doing it to his wife.
Or when your daughter marries a man who thinks its ok to call her repulsive names like whore and bitch, too. In front of your grandkids. Because your example taught your daughter that being cursed and called disgusting names is perfectly OK.
"But my wife always starts it! Don't I deserve the right to defend myself and fight back?"
Defend yourself against what? Loud words and silly names? You gonna fight her moods, for Pete's sake? Are your feelings really hurt that easily? Must be tough being you.
How about this: what about stepping up and being a man? Try something new and risky ... stop acting like a "guy" and start being the man God intended.
God made men the head of the family, not the boss or dictator, not the VIP to be catered to and attended, and not the constantly-dissatisfied complainer: it's the head of the family's responsibility, his God-given duty, to protect his family by putting them and their well-being, and not himself, first. Always.
Don't ever fight again in front of the kids. End of discussion.
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