Man Overboard?

7:54AM

N34 31.482

W 082 47.732

SC law requires any person operating a boat to have an approved life jacket available for each person on board. Kids on boats under a certain age are required to wear their life jacket life jackets at all times, but adults have an option.

Whether or not they wear one is strictly their choice.

Only makes sense that I’m wearing mine right now, anchored out while I’m buried behind the laptop with this morning’s playlist knocking nearby geese down from the sky, right?

Sorry then, but I have failed you. And I failed you last night when I cruised out here.

You hardly ever see adults wearing life jackets. Plenty of boat dudes strut up and down the docks in this year’s most fashionable $200 deck shoes … but something about wearing a life jacket seems to scream, “I’m scared of the water!” or “I can’t take care of myself!” .

As though wearing a life jacket is like having training wheels on your boat … when what we really want is to let others know We’re strong and capable men who don’t mind living dangerously out there on the edge. Hardly anybody wears one, and I don’t wanna look like a Boat Weenie in a life jacket.

(On the other hand, if I had a life jacket emblazoned with logos announcing Mr. Undefeated Blue Water Big Guy World Champion Boat Master then shoot, I’d probably wear it still it stuck to my skin.)

After all nobody ever slips, hits their head and then falls over the side. Right? And if I ever did get into rough water or thought something might happen, I’d know it far enough in advance to have plenty of time to put my jacket on first.

You and I already know that Bad Stuff only happens to the other guy.

Sure, I’ve run aground once or twice, run out of gas, gotten lost, run batteries dead, hit sand bars, destroyed outdrives by running into submerged trees, burned up engines and spent many a night adrift waiting to be rescued … but that’s a lot different from actually falling overboard.

I'm not an idiot. Not like the other guy.

Though one night I came close, climbing down from Ben’s flybridge at night while underway at about 25 mph. I misjudged one rung on the ladder and slipped into midair … but had my hands to help regain my balance. No big deal.

For an hour or two afterwards I imagined what it must be like taking a plunge overboard at night in the middle of winter, bobbing to the surface and seeing your boat happily cruising toward the horizon. With your life jacket onboard. That would be dismaying and severely interfere with my plans for the evening.

Not many options left at that point, beyond counting stars. Apologizing to the fish for your stupidity won’t usher lots of sympathy or assistance. Talk about having an If Only moment. Talk about feeling like a Boat Weenie, fer sure.

Saw a story on the news yesterday about three men who disappeared from their yacht off the coast of Australia.

I gotta assume all three, being experienced offshore sailors, were wearing life jackets. But it’s unclear whether any of them were secured to the boat with a safety line while on deck …. which they should’ve been. Rescuers found all the mechanical and electrical systems working normally. Dinner plates were even set on the table.

A spokesman said we’ll likely never know exactly what happened, except it’s probable all three were washed overboard.

Maybe by a wave they didn’t see coming in time.