6:34 AM
I was driving to my Lasik follow-up appointment the other morning, listening to a preacher on the radio describe what his daughter’s first dates were gonna be like. Hmmm, how did he have the vision to describe such a thing?
Because he’d already been thinking about it and planning for it. Because the first man his daughter would be dating would be him.
That splash of ear-fuel hitting the brain tank ignited my ADD engine and sent me galloping off with my thoughts … and also explains how I totally spaced-out where I was going and ended up lost for 20 minutes wandering around Brown Road.
At least I came home with a short list.
Impressions of what my daughter should expect on our dates: Not A Literal, Verbatim List
- I’d be so excited to spend time in public with my daughter that I couldn’t wait for Friday (or Saturday) night to roll around. Hopefully she could sense that when I showed up, too.
-I’d be there on time and meet her up at the front door (without whining like a baby with a wet diaper if she was running late; she’s been worth waiting for for this long, after all). And I’d have my phone off for the duration of the evening because she’s worth and deserves my full attention.
-The first thing I’d tell her is “Wow.” And being a young woman she’d know what I meant.
-I’d tell her mom “Thank you” for trusting me, followed by telling her where we were going and what time we’d be back.
-I’d open my daughter’s car door for her. I’d open all her doors for her. I’d walk on the street side of the sidewalk and I’d walk at her arm, behind her … not lunging ahead first so she can tag along behind like a whipped puppy dog looking to be led to the pound.
-Driving to our date, I’d wanna let my daughter know I’m looking forward to spending time with her. Then I’d shut up, give her my undivided attention and let her talk. Without interrupting, getting impatient or changing subjects to suit me.
-Once we were in public, whether we met new people or ran into friends we already knew, I’d introduce her, “I’d like you to meet the most beautiful unmarried woman in the world.”
And continue treating her that way to show her I meant it.
Does that sound silly so far? I don’t care … because there’s a stinger ahead I forgot to mention: If my daughter has a terrible time on our dates, if I turn out to be a dud, if it turns out she’s uncomfortable being around me then she has the choice of whether or not to go out with me again.
Just so she’ll know from the very beginning that she always has the dating-discretion of telling a man No … and isn’t uncomfortable about making that choice and standing by it.
Finally, I’d live up to my word and have her home in time … sober and still respecting herself. (Heck whaddya think, would a goodnight hug on our first date be outta the question? See, affection is part of the dating equation but sex doesn’t have to be … and I’d rather my daughter wasn’t yearning for physical affection from men to compensate for an emotional deficit at home.)
So what would my daughter think of our date? Hopefully she’d have an awesome time, and wake up the next morning glad we went out. Hopefully she’d be eager that I’ll ask her out again soonest.
Maybe even look forward to our next date as much as I would
I hope “Dates with my Daughter” would be a foundation, a chance for us to interact and learn about each other apart from the tedium and stress of daily family interaction. I’d want to give my daughter a chance to see me “in the world” and decide for herself what qualities she’ll find attractive in a man … and be an illustration for comparison when time comes for her to start dating “other” men.
So she’ll spot losers, liars and creeps long before they get a chance to come near the front door.
Gee Papa Fairytale, that’s a pretty picture and all but it’s totally out of touch, boring and unrealistic.
Well, that could say lots about our pasts and who we’ve squandered dates (much less relationships) with … and again points back to this: Believing that sex, drugs, drama and desperation are essential components of “Dating & Relationships” reveals a spectacular lack of imagination.
And a bulging deficit of self-worth /self-control, too.
Hey PS. it’s Sunday … and we’ve got reason to celebrate our hearts (and lungs) out! ILYG and hope you never get tired of knowing it.
Today’s Top 20/20 My Eye's Much Better, Thanks Playlist:
I Can See Clearly Now – Jimmy Cliff
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