What church should I be at?

Picking a church can be hard; let's run down the list:

This one's too big, this one is boring, I like dressing up, I don't like dressing up, that one's a clique, that one's too strict, they don't have a choir, I had a problem with that preacher when I was growing up, they play songs that don't come from the Bible, I don't get fed, I get asked to do too much, that church is a cult, they don't have Sunday School, I don't like the music, they don't preach from the Bible, they take the Bible too literally, they let men wear hats in church, they'll expect me to tithe, they don't oppose Halloween, all the members are hypocrites, they don't have Bingo, they didn't support mandatory pet neutering, nobody cares what I say, everybody there acts like they're big shots, the music is too loud, they have Bingo, I saw one of their members stopped at a red light outside an adult book store after dark, everybody there gossips, it all depends on how much you give, the pastor doesn't know my name, the pastor's always preaching right at ME, the air-conditioner blows on my face and I heard their pastor preaches naked. So where am I supposed to go?

Hmmm, I dunno ... what'd the Holy Spirit say last time you asked?