Who's gonna preach my Super Bowl funeral?

I keep hearing this: "I couldn't go to a Super Bowl-sized church because I have no way of knowing who'd preach at my funeral."

OK.

#1. When the time comes, you won't know either

#2. You don't know who's gonna be playing in next year's Super Bowl ... or if there'll even be a Super Bowl

#3. Heaven nain't neer nough ferye?

Part 2

I Want to go to a church where the preacher knows my name and acknowledges my contributions

Yup yup, I'm quite sure ... but if a persecution started, would ya want similar recognition and attention from the folks anxious to start the crucifixion line?