Friday Prayer List

I'm unplugging the phone all day on Friday so I can catch up my prayer list.

I wrote down all the essentials so I don't leave out anything important ...

-Grant me good health, so that I might keep on like I have been

-Please watch over my family, cause I don't have time to

-Please heal my car for 25,000 more miles, especially after my warranty expires or until I finish making all the payments, and can afford to buy a new one with No-Money-Down financing (make that 50,000 miles if you think my "God Is My Co-Pilot" bumpersticker is awesome)

-Bless my financial situation and punish those creditors who scorn me, that after I've taken a vacation and set aside a fat bankroll according to your heavenly design, I might start tithing again, and earn more respect and a say-so in church committees

-Be with our pastor, Bless His Heart, that he will not continue to say things during the service that really tick me off, or cause me to stay up nights. Don't let him preach about things that offend my friends who I've invited as guests to the service so they'll think I'm cool, or preach about controversial subjects that cause me to send anonymous e-mails to the church office on Wednesday mornings, even after I've talked to my attorney and calmed down

-Please watch and hover over the church staff, so that they will see the wisdom of every word that leaves my mouth, and check with me first before making any decision, amen

-Grant me strength to resist porn and temptation, instead of having the cable and internet disconnected

-Please forgive me for being bored and distracted when there's nothing else to do

-Be with that girl from church (you know the one I mean), let her see the many errors of her ways, let her realize I'm not a LOSER and see I was right (as usual) and come grovelling back ... that I may show her a full measure of grace and forgiveness ... so long as she acts right (the other one can drop dead with bee stings for all I care, if it suits you)

-Please end the relationship anxiety in my life by pointing me to the perfect partner, who is already perfect in every way

-Generally, please make me happy and as comfortable as possible, as proof of your awesome power

I know You're busy but also ...

-Let lots of people be saved around the world, even if I've never met them

-Don't let believers in other countries go hungry or without clothes, unless it pleases You and they deserve it

-Keep their populations under control, and teach them to be content with what they have

-Give me the strength to stay focused on what's most important to me

-Let others see the errors of their ways

-Help me live so that others see You in me