Boat Dude, Church Dude

Just some idle thoughts from sunrise this morning, while I sat in a folding chair at the shore clutching my binoculars and "Hello Neighbor!" fruit baskets, waiting to welcome any new life forms that may have evolved from lake scum overnight ...

I never realized how much Boat Dudes share in common with Church Dudes:

Boat Dude's kept his boat at several different marinas, according to their status and prestige
Church Dude's always on the look-out for the church where he's most likely to be noticed

Boat Dude shows up at the marina expecting to find his private parking space empty
Church Dude shows up at the church parking lot expecting to find his parking space empty

Boat Dude has his name engraved on a plaque over his slip
Church Dude has his name embossed on a plaque on his pew

Boat Dude only wears the latest clothes consistent with "boating life" to impress others
Church Dude wears the latest fashions consistent with impressing others

Boat Dude eagerly tells others how much his boat cost
Church Dude eagerly tells other how much he tithes

Boat Dude's wife has lots to say about the other women at the marina, especially the size of their bikinis
Church Dude's wife has lots to say about women at church, particularly if their clothes are more expensive than hers

Boat Dude likes to complain about everything that's wrong at the marina, and always has a better idea to share with the marina manager
Church Dude complains about what's wrong at his church and always has a better idea he's eager to share with the pastor

Boat Dude likes to be on the inside, and knows all the marina gossip
Church Dude is the source of church gossip

Boat Dude likes to talk about well-run his last marina was
Church Dude talks about "how we did things" at his old church

Boat Dude has an owner's manual, but never consults it for information or maintenance
Church Dude has a Bible, but never reads it ... because he's already got all the answers

Boat Dude is in love with his self-image
Church Dude is in love with himself

Boat Dude likes to pretend "price is no object"
Church Dude tends to overlook the price Christ paid

Boat Dude likes to talk about boating, but his boat never actually leaves the marina because he's afraid others will see he's got more boat than he can comfortably handle
Church Dude likes to talk about religion but never actually follows Christ, and is afraid others will see his marriage, finances and kids are more than he can handle

Boat Dude only spends weekends at the marina
Church Dude only spends Sunday mornings in church