If it was left up to me ...

Thursday

8:05 AM

Halfway through my third month of working with Mike (The Asphalt Mariner), I’m starting to get a pretty clear picture of, if things were left up to me, what I’d never do if I had the choice.

I’d never work on outboard engines.

They’re filthy, noisy, stink, and awkward to reach because owners refuse to move their boats from the water to have the engines serviced or repaired.

Which means the boat is constantly moving, bobbing up and tossing tools, parts and service personnel over the side. I hate outboards. Yeah, I do.

I’d never work on stern drives (inboard/outboards), either.

They’re like outboards but even nastier, because the transmission and stuff is hanging out over the transom. Stern drives are heavy, awkward to move and it takes five sets of hands to align the drive splines. Plus they’re crusty with algae … and they smell bad.

I wouldn’t work on inboards.

Even though everything is contained inside the boat, that means it’s cramped and there’s no room left to work. (I’ve serviced and replaced parts I’ve never seen … just by feel).

Plus, I don’t know very much about outboards, stern drives, or inboards. So there.

But then I wouldn’t do plumbing, either.

Plumbing means crawling through spaces that wouldn’t accommodate a football and then drilling holes through the hull to install fittings. Outside the hull is lots-n-lots o-water. Water can get into a boat faster than I can get out of a boat. Therefore I hate plumbing, and refuse to talk about it any more.

Brigette once suggested it might make an informative post here at The Blue Book to explain exactly where it goes when you go on a boat. And did I mention plumbing smells bad?

I’d never fiberglass anything … and you can’t make me.

Fiberglass sounds like fun. Fiberglass means building new parts and stuff from nothing. Fiberglass only sounds exciting to people who’ve never spent a day looking like a bunny rabbit with white fiberglass hairs glued to their skin.

The reality: fiberglass is itchy like an ant bed and the strands can’t wait to break off under your skin. They wake up around 3:00 am and start itching even more.

If the Inquisition had known about fiberglass they would’ve told heretics to “fiberglass that hatch” and then laughed themselves silly. And fiberglass resin smells bad.

Electric work? You must be kidding. I’m shocked. Everytime.

Let’s move on quickly.

Carpentry sounds safe

Forget about it. I’m absolutely lousy and have no talent for working with sharp edges spinning at high speeds. (Figures.)

Nor would I bother with painting, buffing or polishing boats … because all those things are mind-numbingly tedious and boring.

Hmmm. Much is becoming clear at this point.

If business was left up to me there’s not a whole lot that would get ever get done because I don’t like doing any of it.

Could be that’s why what I do with my days ain’t left up to me.

What I do is left up to the boss. And I realize how little he’s concerned with what I like, what I’d rather be doing, how tired I feel or what I’d rather skip over because such and such makes me feel ill-equipped, unprepared or uncomfortable.

And what do you think his reaction is when I feel like taking time off and spending the day relaxing, focusing on what I’d rather be doing instead?