Reunion followup

During my lifetime I've probably spent more time sneezing than thinking about having kids.

Then late last year, during dinner with Jake, Sz and their kids Sz asked me "Have you ever known a woman you'd want to have children with?"

I said No, but after a couple of minutes of re-thinking I admitted my knee jerk reaction had come too quickly ... and started a turn that's still becoming a 360.
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Funny, isn't it? Saturday I drove to Hartwell wishing she was going there with me ... and that night had to settle for a txt message instead.

It's hard accepting that our lofty plans and ambitions are useless, ultimately only get in God's way and confound us.
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I saw my brother and his wife at this weekend's family reunion. They have the two most beautiful, adorable children I've ever seen. It's true- no matter that it's my niece and nephew ... in no small part because my brother and his wife both love their children so much they've got patience that would make Job weep and start hunting the sack cloth.
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Driving home yesterday afternoon it hurt me incredibly to acknowledge a lifetime of selfishness, and see there's been no excuse or reason.

Turns out it's not all about me after all. I wish I was totally convicted and absolutely fearless every day, every way. But not yet I'm not.

So build a shell, crawl inside and pull the covers up tight all around if U want 2 ... and then wonder why it feels so suffocating and claustrophobic inside.