Calypso is hot. I mean she's really hot. By the time Saturday night rolled around last weekend I started thinking she must be the hottest boat around. She's so hot it makes you start thinking about peeling off clothes and jumping over the side to cool down.
I mean she's hot like a Krispy Kreme oven is hot. Hot the same way a deep fryer is hot. I mean hot like you find out when you grab the skillet you left burning on the stove with your bare hands is Hot.
If she was any hotter I'm pretty sure I'd melt, drip down through her drains and get pumped over the side from her bilge.
That's the hot I'm talking about.
By 3:30 PM last Saturday the temperature inside the salon was a bacteria-killing 104 degrees F ... and stayed that way until well after 7 PM, when she finally cooled down to 98 F. Didn't even have to turn on the water heater to have all the hot shower I wanted.
I like to think one of the main reasons Calypso gets so hot is because she's a sexy (can I say sexy?) brunette. That is, she's got a black canvas top and that makes her a brunette.
But her stunning, head turning black coiffure works like an inverted convection oven in the summer, and starts cooking the interior contents (meaning, me) soon as the sun peeks over the horizon.
That she's so scorchingly hot isn't the only problem in our relationship: like so many other svelte brunette femme fatales, Calypso also tends to be something of a drip.
(Back in 1984 the textile industry was still in the infant stages of creating truly water-proof fabrics. Meaning that 23 years later, here in 2007 when it's raining outside, all you gotta do is step out into Calypso's bridge to enjoy an invigorating open-air Performance Shower that not even the boldness of Kohler can match.)
Her canvas top leaks like a cardboard aquarium is what I mean, and the briefest summer shower turns the helm into a floating fiberglass shower stall.)
I've toyed with the idea of replacing Calypso's canvas with one of the new wonder fabrics like Sunbrella (which wouldn't seem at all like an expen$ive extravagance if you've ever left the top at home and driven your Jeep back from Highlands in a rain squall. At night. On a first date. Which I have.)
Which finally steers me around to the point of what this unnecessarily long and drawn-out nonsense is all about: If I ever actually replaced Calypso's top, would I keep the same color? Or try going blond ... with a white top instead?
Can it really true that Blonds Have More Fun? Maybe ... but keeping a white top clean and sparkling with flocks of sea gulls circling overhead makes me much doubt it.
Never even considered going redhead until I saw this ... so whaddya think?
Hmmm. I kinda like the breezy, tropical "Let's Go to the Bahamas This Weekend" flavor ... but redheads can be notoriously ambiguous and a touch temperamental. (At least, based on my experience, uh oh :-)
You've probably lost all interest in this silly subject by this time and have already started reaching for the mouse to click yourself off to another page. That's why I saved the best for last, in case the free-spirits among you may already have asked: What about going topless?
Indeed. "Yaaa," sighed the train's Conductor, "that could be the ticket right there."
Not every boat has the shape to cruise around in public au natural with her helm exposed ... but I think Calypso's got the curves and the stuff to make it work and have every other middle-aged boat owner drooling with maritime envy.
Now all I gotta do is work up the nerve to try it, and hope the the weather cooperates with our plans.
ps. Of course once the top was off I could never figure out how to get the canvas snapped back on, not even with three helping hands and the Instruction Manual open for assistance ...
But Hey, Stay COOL yourself ... and Have A Great Weekend!
pss. Guzzling down beer because TGIF is stoopid. And forget about eating out tonight because all the restaurants in town will have waiting lines stretched out to Clemson Boulevard. Driving to Gville to go clubbing is for sorority pledges and mutt-hugging slick-haired wanna-be's. Add this to tonight's schedule instead ... it's for one of the best causes around.
And remember Papa loves ya, always ... but that's still only second best.
No comments:
Post a Comment