Before I get back to wrapping up silent films, here's a confession: I'm odor intolerant.
Artificial scents, like the ones that stink up stuff like body scrubs, hair sprays and hand lotions make me ... well, you get the idea.
But I'd love to handle their marketing campaigns anyway.
Intense SunSores Indoor Tanning Lotion- A Fake Tan's No Good Without Welts
BeachBodyBlister Tanning Solution- Less streaking means more shrieking!
FriedFace Finishing Paste- We're Not Sure What It Does, Either
Almond Mist Armpit Sanitizer- Like Folks Really Need Another Reason to Think You're Nuts
Ferric Oxide Exfoliating Body Polish [US Army Contract #G-112]- Keep Your Pores & Hummer's Undercarriage Rust-Free
Nature's Miracle Naugahyde Face Improvement Mystery- Previously Available Only in European Animal Husbandry Clinics!
Amazon Botanical Curare-Blend Skin Resurfacing Paste- Kills Wrinkles, Age Spots, Frown Lines & Blemishes, Literally! Also stuns fish and temporarily incapacitates small fur-bearing mammals.
Self-Correcting Fire Dance Renewal Treatment Scrub- Apply liberally to face, neck and scalp in well-ventilated room. Wait 30 seconds, then light with match. Results typically occur within seconds. Repeat procedure as necessary until desired improvement occurs.
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