You busy on Sunday?

Thanks to Brent Sears over at Five Porches for passing this along:

The Batterson Blog - Thoughts on Life and Leadership
Perry Noble
By Mark Batterson

Just finished my session at the Innovative Church Conference.

Perry Noble is up to bat. Remember, he said it I didn't :) I can't believe how many perrryisms he fit into one session!

"Pastors, I have a word from the Lord. Get rid of the preacher hair."

"I like getting sick so I can drink Nyquil."

"I was pagan of the year eight years running."

"Jesus powerwashed my soul."

"If I met one more church planter who says they can't grow because they are in permanent facilities I'm going to knock them out."

"I never graduated from cemetary. I mean seminary."

"Curious George books are boring. You know what would have been interesting: Curious George and the Electric Fence."

"Church ought to be the most engaging place on the planet. If the tomb is really empty we ought to act like it."

"Get out of his box or let God out of His. He wants to move."

"You better believe we're about numbers. Numbers represent souls."

"I think Jesus was getting ready to come back until Tim and Jerry starting writing the Left Behind. God isn't finished reading them yet."

"We lose steeple people all the time."

"Don't shut the backdoor of the church. The church is a body. You shut the back door and you've got problems. You need a Holy Spirit enema."

"If you target the people nobody else wants you won't be able to stop from growing."

"A church is not effective when a pastor ministers to the people. A church is effective when the body ministers to the body."

"You've got a cell phone, a PDA, an XYZ. You look like flippin' Batman."

"If you're sick in the hospital I'm not coming to visit you. I hate hospitals. If I come to see you in the hospital it's bad. If I show up the dude behind me has a bag for you."

"People will sit on their blessed assurance as long as you let them."

"Your passion is not my burden."

Finally, I love the "New Spring" prayer: "Dear Jesus, Yes. Amen."


On Monday morning there's gonna be several thousand people hearing about what happened on Sunday, September 24 2006, who'll lace up their boots and start kicking themselves for either being too lazy, too cynical, too proud and arrogant, too entrenched with arguing about whether a building can be a "church" unless it's got stained glass windows and a steeple, too busy to take a shower and get dressed ... or just too plumb scared about finding out they've been fighting a losing battle their entire lives to take a chance on going to church just one more time, and missed out on ...

I'm not exaggerating one bit in saying you will probably never see or hear the truth about who Jesus Christ is and what his death was about described more clearly than you will tomorrow.

If you're an agnostic ... or better yet an atheist, or are already convinced "Christianity is a man-made religion" or think "there's no difference between Christ and Buddha, or between Muhammed and Scientology, or believing in UFOs" ... then tomorrow you'll get the chance of a lifetime to see whether you're right.

Just remember it's okay to call me on Monday morning if you need to borrow a size-12 boot.

Get driving directions from anywhere in the lower 48 here.

New Spring Church
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Disclaimer: I am not a staff member of NSC nor has NSC authorized me in any way to express any opinions or viewpoints on their behalf. The opinions expressed here are entirely my own and I accept full responsibility for errors, oversights, inaccuracies and omissions.