You Know You're A Single Guy ...

You leave the vacuum cleaner broken and unassembled rather than admit to a repairman that you don't know what to do with all the leftover parts

You've got more than six remote controls on the table beside your couch

You no longer mind when friends introduce you and substitute "Bless his heart" for your last name

You spend more on tools and subscription sports events than you do on food

Your phone never rings after 5:08 PM except for wrong numbers

Even wrong numbers never call you back

You automatically picture a fig tree every time you hear the word "date"

Not only do you save money by giving yourself haircuts, you've also started thinking you do a pretty good job

You spend what you saved on haircuts on Slim Jims

All your clothes have the same hot-water tint

Your pastor uses your name during his Relationship Series to describe the potential pitfalls of dating ... and at least three women start shouting amen!

You can't remember whether you own a suit

Your parents have started addressing you as "Mister"

75% of your kitchen cabinet space is set aside for Ramen noodles

You're not sure what's under there growing in the other 25% ... except that you can see blossoms at night and rats won't try to eat it

You can program your VCR six weeks in advance without once checking a TV schedule

You've named your big screen TV after an old girlfriend

You've measured your riding mower's top speed using a GPS

Your clothes are older than anyone down at Fusebox

Your biggest obstacle to asking a girl out is finding out what your dog thinks first

3 of your last 4 dates included visits to Home Depot

You've driven to meet a girl's parents with a lawnmower tied down in the trunk of your car

You've learned a wet mop works faster than a broom

You buy toilet paper one roll at a time

The entire staff at Circuit City knows your name ... and the manager thinks you work there

You're saving up to buy a holster for your favorite chainsaw

Your chainsaw holster is monogrammed

You own more ball caps than socks

Over the past year you've had more visits to the Emergency Room than dates