Acts of Obedience and Reverence

-satire

Being Totally Religious: Lesson #4
How should believers act around non-believers? More importantly, how should believers act in church? Often it's easy to tell where a believer's heart is simply by how he or she acts.

Start by studying these Acting Lessons.

Acting Obedient Around Non-believers:
1. Act Stern when meeting strangers. There's no better indication of your self-righteousness than a frown to let others know "Something's wrong with you." Sneer, as required
2. Act Superior by making dagger eyes, then stare & scowl at their clothes. People who dress poorly reflect badly on the entire congregation and can only deflate how others measure your importance
3. Act Busy by ignoring church visitors: besides, they're likely to be sinners
4. Act Indignant by wincing and snorting before answering questions. This lets sinners know you're offended by their faults & weaknesses
5. Act Suspicious or Betrayed when confronting new situations and challenges. What you don't already know is obviously unimportant anyway

Reverence in Church: keeping up the act
1. Act tired and fatigued, to let others know you've been busy doing the Lord's business
2. Act generous, to make sure your voice gets heard first at Budget Meetings
3. Act reverent and morose, because no matter how hard others may try to be perfect, they can only disappoint you
4. Act as though nothing's ever good enough, but be patient before voicing your opinion; everybody knows they'll hear it eventually anyway
5. Act like you have the church's best interests at heart; it's the best way to get exactly what you want without others catching on