ChurchMaster Classic

-humor

This weekend Marina City is hosting the acclaimed BassMasters Classic fishing tournament; you can catch live coverage on ESPN.

Having spent a considerable amount of my life knowing what fish look like (and which side of a boat floats), I consider myself something of an expert when it comes to offering suggestions, advice and opinions about fishing.

So this morning I trotted down to the marina office and jumped right in with some helpful suggestions and criticism about how to run a fishing tournament ... just like we did at my old marina.

-We need a dress code. Something about anglers wearing outfits color-coordinated with their bass boats scares me

-Engines are too loud. Turn 'em down and be respectful of those of us trying to sleep!

-Too many contestants. I like a more personal tournament, where all the contestants know my name

-I don't want people from Georgia riding around on my lake. (They're my relatives, after all)

You can imagination the enthusiastic suggestions I received in turn ...

(Please send cash in lieu of flowers to facilitate my speedy and complete bodily recovery.)

Roll bass, roll tide.

:-)