Let's make a deal - updated

Imagine UPS delivers a Time Machine to your front door on Monday morning.

You rip open the instructions, only to read the fine print and learn that the contraption will only allow one jaunt back into time. You give careful consideration before choosing what ancient event you'd most want to visit, and being a believer, you take a deep breath and set the clock back to the day of Christ's crucifixion.

You press the START button and before you can blink, there you are at Calvary standing shoulder to shoulder with the crowd assembled on the hill outside Jerusalem. The spectacle laid out before your eyes is incredible, and you feel the air rush from your lungs as your eyes fall upon Christ for the very first time.

You feel your eyes welling up with tears, you wish more people could have taken the journey with you to witness first-hand what your faith assures you is true. The emotions are overwhelming beyond anything you could've imagined, then suddenly you feel yourself stepping forward, away from the crowd toward the cross where our Savior is hanging.

The Roman guards seem not to notice: at least no one tries stopping you as you inch toward the foot of the cross. Seen from such a close distance, the wounds from his flogging are far worse than you realized. Christ seems so still and quiet, you can't be certain whether he's even still alive.

It's hard, harder than anything you've ever done, but you force your eyes to glance up ... past the nails driven through his feet, past his utter nakedness, past the scourge wounds where the whips ripped open his flesh and then finally into the very eyes of Jesus. His suffering is so close, so real, it seems beyond what any human being could endure.

But then as if he's known all along that you'd be there, his eyes flutter open and gaze back into yours. He tries lifting his head to speak, but every exertion seems almost enough to kill him. There's something you want to say, something you've waited your entire life to tell him.

Your mouth falls open as you glimpse into eternity and suddenly words start pouring out. You hear yourself whispering to Jesus ....

"Man, I wish you'd drop by my church one Sunday morning and bring our pastor up to date on a few things. All he ever preaches about is you and God's word, and it gets boring after a while. Especially if you're like me, and already saved.

"He's either out of his mind or else he's living in another world, because he doesn't notice folks get real uncomfortable hearing him preach straight from the Bible or talk about hell, when sometimes the only thing we're interested in is sitting back, talking about our accomplishments and feeling good about ourselves.

"Shoot he's a real fanatic, and even says little stuff like gossiping and telling white lies are sins, can you believe it? But if the gossip just happens to true, isn't it better if everybody knows it? I think you see my point.

"And what about lying to stay out trouble ... so long as nobody actually gets hurt? See, I know this guy whose boss wouldn't pay him what he's worth because the boss thought he's lazy. So if this friend stole from the boss to get back what's really his, then lied about what he took and ended up getting fired anyway, are either one of those things actually a sin?

"Look, it's not like I don't appreciate what you're doing and everything, but my life is kinda complex these days so I was kinda hoping you and I could make a deal on a few things.

"In the first place, you need to be more flexible and open-minded about how you expect people to behave. Especially people who're already saved and going to church. Times are gonna change beyond anything you can imagine over the next 2000 years, and people would pay a lot more attention to you if you let them bend the rules a little bit. I mean, it's only human nature to wanna break the rules.

"I mean come on, for crying out loud. Look, I've been dating the same girl at church for almost a month now, you know the one I'm talking about. Yeah, I really respect and admire her a lot and dude, she's hot as hell ... especially in a tank-top and jeans. So when we're fooling around I can tell she really wants to, and being a guy I'm all about wanting to, so isn't it OK for two adults to give each other some release, or even have sex, if it feels like they're in love and say they care about each other? Even single church people have those needs, you know.

"It's not like neither one of us has never had sex before, right? And didn't you already forgive us for all that?

"You're willing to forgive folks who've done a lot more sexual sinning than me ... so it only seems fair. If your grace is as infinite as you say it is, then surely you've got enough left over to cover a little bit of my sexual sinning on the side, at least till I get married, don't ya think? Heck, you already know in advance when we're gonna be weak and get tempted and besides, I always end up asking for forgiveness afterwards, so what's the point of resisting in the first place?

"Is it too much asking you to look the other way every once in a while, especially on weekend nights after 11?

"Oh never mind, I can already see that you just don't get it. I mean, you were single your whole life, so what in the world do you know about sex, love and commitment anyway? Times have changed, and it just seems like you could keep up if you wanted to.

"You called me your friend, so all I'm trying to do is return the favor and let you in on the big picture so you'll know exactly where I'm coming from. Sure, all ten commandments sound good on paper, but couldn't we try doing best five out of seven instead? It'd sure help if you gave us a few more choices in our lives, that's the thing.

"Ooops, I hate to bring up a touchy subject at a time like this, but tithing? Tithing sounds so Old Testament and legalistic! I've got a hard enough time as it is making ends meet, and I'm already pinching pennies to put a down payment on that new boat I need.

"Oh, and not to gripe or anything ... but I prayed a lot last month about my personal finances because I'm in so much debt for taking that vacation to relax after I got fired. I guess we had a bad connection that night, because my credit cards are still maxed to the limit. And frankly, I deserve my share of the abundant life, don't ya think? See, when prayers don't get answered, it makes people think you really don't exist after all.

"Well, it's getting late so I better run. Hollywood Wives comes on at 7 and I'd hate missing my show. Unless you feel like hooking a brother up with some TiVo?

"Oh I almost forgot. I wish you'd answer this so I can repeat it to all my saved buds back at church when they're out in the world trying to witness. In general, wouldn't you say that any sinning you do in the privacy of your own home is really nobody's business but their own?

"Like porn ... how can you say porn is bad when you've never even seen a satellite TV or a DVD? See, that's what I'm getting at. Too much of the Bible is too old-fashioned to do anybody any good.

"And even when I find time, trying to read scripture every once in a while is as dull as watching paint dry in the church bathrooms. And there's hardly anything there that applies to my life.

"Well Jesus my man, it's getting late so I'm heading back to real life. Thanks for taking time and letting me vent a little bit. Guess I'll be seeing you in Heaven one day, so take care and thanks for everything.

"And remember to leave the lights on at the pearly gates, old buddy."

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Naaah that's just a made-up story, because nobody would go back in time and talk to Christ that way. It's inconceivable we'd ever stand at the foot of the cross and mock Jesus' suffering, or go back 2000 years to treat his sacrifice with such total selfishness, disrespect and ingratitude.

Today it's easier do it from the comfort of our church pews and living rooms instead.

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"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows."
-Galatians 6:7 (NIV)