Defining Moments

In one of my favorite books, Into the Wild, author Jon Krakauer takes a brief intermission from the title story to relate the grand revelation, or rather the lack of one, he experienced after a harrowing effort to become the first man to climb a treacherous, nearly verticle needle of rock and ice in the remote Alaskan wilderness.

Prior to making the solo, unassisted attempt Krakauer had imagined his haphazard, directionless life would suddenly focus and acquire the uber-meaning he so desperately sought. After weeks of planning, back-tracking and mistakes, and after scaring himself half-silly and almost dying, literally, Krakauer finally reached the summit and achieved his life-long goal.

But after climbing down and hiking back to civilization no one was much impressed by his achievement. Krakauer was stunned and disheartened because So what? was hardly the reaction he'd hoped for ... especially after risking his life to become "the first man ever."

Accomplishing the goal in itself proved not to be enough to satisfy the emptiness inside. What he'd been seeking as a mountaineer, through achievement and acclaim, was external affirmation and a sense of self-worth. That he was willing to risk death to earn value for his life is beyond ironic.

It's like saying, "I'm not risking my life doing this, not really, because my life isn't worth anything as it is. But I expect that to change if I succeed in what I'm attempting ... and people will finally take notice and shower me with the adoration I've always deserved."

Krakauer learned life doesn't quite work that way, and went straight back to his job as a day laborer wondering how he'd so mistakenly overestimated the importance of doing the one big thing ... and why he hadn't been greeted as a conquering hero, not even after finally achieving his life-time goal to be the first.

The sartorial door he'd expected to an exciting new future had opened inward instead, and revealed that his achievement had changed neither the world nor himself after all. The goal he'd pursued only had significance for himself; probably everyone else was just too busy chasing theirs to notice or care.