From the Friday Bottom of the Blog Bag ...

Sometimes I might be a little slow to catch on, but I'm no dummy. At least not a great big dummy walking sideways in diapers. I hope not anyway. Or maybe it doesn't matter what I think. And besides, you're probably right.

Here's some loose stuff that wouldn't fit in anywhere else:

"Now I Know Why Ken Gave Up the Rooster" Department
The doggone thing won't settle down unless I let him sit with me on the couch! Otherwise he won't give me a moment's peace.

He scratches and pecks at the bedroom door, snuffling like a puppy because he wants in. Leaves feathers everywhere, rips up the trash in the kitchen with his beak and cock-a-doodle-doos his head off at all hours day and night. And every time I try to catch him being a bad rooster he suddenly freezes and glares back, like "What? You mean me?"

The rooster's name is Cornflake, btw.

You Know You're In Kentucky When ... Department
At the end of the NASCAR 2006 Craftsman Truck Series Built Ford Tough 225 race on TV right now, I saw a guy standing in the crowd with a t-shirt that said Snitches Are A Dying Breed.

Hmmm ... wonder if he picked that up at the prison gift shop? Or maybe his mom slipped it out past a trustee during visitation ... just to remind junior what's comin' soon as mama busts outta the slam.

Impressive Performance Department
Tonight I decided to find out what would happen if I turned my new King Butch-Aire AC window unit down all the way. Right now the thermometer beside my desk says its -10 degrees Fahrenheit and I'm stuck to my chair.

That's impressive ... glad I put on a second sweater under my parka.

"And I'm Not Paying For Roaming Charges Either!" Department
Cells phones might be the biggest nuisance in my life. From the time I get up till the time I go to bed, no matter what I start doing, I can't go more than 5 minutes without getting interrupted with Ring A Ding Ding Ding. Whether I'm trying to read, eat lunch or watch TV it's no use cause there goes the cell phone.

Problem is, I don't have a cell phone.

"The Tennis Shoes Have Eyes" Department
I've got an old pair of sneaks I still keep around because I paid way too much 12 years ago when they were new. They smell twice as bad as you'd think and came in real handy whenever the time came to spend an hour or two down at the bank discussing their newest fee structure.

But now something's moved in. Like, something's living inside my right shoe. I know this because every time I put my foot inside something bites. And it's big. I've empirically determined it's BIG based on how hard it bites.

I'm guessing it's one of those spiders that have gangsta colors on their backs, you know the ones I mean.

Maybe I could trick Cornflakes into pecking on over and taking a look inside ...

"Do You Like Cats?" Department
... cause I got a new recipe that uses a quick n' easy honey mustard sauce for double-dippin'.