Time to Laugh and Relax

Dear Reader,

I know I tax your patience with long blogs about silent movies, recipes you wouldn't eat on a dare and photos of how I trim my toe nails. But now it's time to say Thank You to everyone who writes in ...

I no longer longer have any money after sending it all to Penny Brown, but that will change once I recieve the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail programs.

I have learned that my prayers will only get answered if I forward an e-mail to 7 of my friends and make a wish in 5 minutes.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore or Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I have their recipe.

And I can't ever pick up $5 I dropped in the parking lot because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my butt.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back causing you to grow a hair lump. I know this will occur because it acually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second hsuband's cousin's beautician.......

[Thanks Paula!]