Sunday, July 30, 2006

Tarzan the Ape Man (1932)

It's on Turner Classic Movies right now. Tarzan's not only a wild man ... but he was also the original swinger.

Ah, Africa was simpler back then ... so much more like stock footage, indoor Hollywood sets, Silver Springs and matte paintings than the real thing is today.

Tarzan rocks. He even gets a Tchaikovsky score for the credits crawl.

Not even Elvis had hair as cool as Tarzan's, which makes me think chimpanzees must have some special scissor skills. Tarzan was the ultimate guy ... so what if he couldn't read or use a cell phone?

Tarzan calls elephants with a hillbilly yell, fights hippos, crocodiles, gorillas, man-eating plants, lions and cannibals with only a knife, plus he goes swimming with a prim total babe British aristocrat ... and is still severely environmentally-friendly by commuting to work on swinging vines.

Tarzan's knows how to moisturize his situation.

Cheetah can't touch this. Un-ga-wa, ya'll.

Kinda ironic nobody noticed The King of the Jungle was a white guy wearing a leather diaper.

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