MEN ONLY MONDAY: Stuff Women Don't Want You to Know

Guys, here's a big heads-up on having a quiet and peaceful life.

Sometimes we think it's funny to throw up our arms in front of each other, make a whiney voice and shrug,"That's fine honey. We'll do whatever you want" as though we're in control and actually doing women a favor by "going along."

One of the biggest mistakes you'll ever make is deluding yourself into thinking you've got your girlfriend, wife or fiance "all figured out."

Women let men think they're in charge, which only proves how powerful and smart women really are.

Men, what I want you to do now is go grab a magic marker, stand at attention in front of the closest mirror and jot this down across your forehead:

Today I Have New Respect For My Girlfriend/Wife/Fiance .. And Hope She Lets Me Live

Laugh it up and ignore this wisdom at your own peril, Mr. Mean Macho Man. Examples of females from all species fighting tooth and nail against incredible odds to protect their young simply aren't matched by anything males of the same species do in combat ... and besides, males tend to only fight each other when it comes to deciding mating rights.

I mean privileges.

Unless you've got an engine block for a brain, you should see at this point that women even control the thing Men think's most important to Men, which tells me we're not even in charge of what makes us think we're guys.

You might be feeling scared right now and that's okay. Be very, very scared ... women only keep us around because they feel sorry for us, and understand we need protection from ourselves.

Here's a few women you should be glad aren't nagging you to take out the trash:

Boudica was a sword-weilding warrrior queen of the Iceni people of Eastern Britain who led a major uprising against the Romans between 60-61 A.D.

Fights between Roman gladiators often included "women of rank." Women were also venatores (gladiators who fought wild animals in the Roman arena) until their participation was outlawed by Emperor Alexander Severus in 200 AD ... maybe because so many male gladiators complained?

Mademoiselle La Maupin was an 18th century French actress who had a nasty habit of challenging men who'd offended her to duels to the death. With swords. Apparently Mademoiselle wasn't just wagging her sword through empty air, because King Louis XIV issued her a pardon for killing several men in one evening during a formal ball.

Maybe Mademoiselle didn't like their answers after she asked, "Monsieur, does this gown make me look fat?"

Mary Reed and Anne Bonny were pirates. Like, real swash-buckling pirates of the Caribbean who were "resolute and ready to board or undertake anything that was hazardous in the time of action."

A witness at their trial said both women cursed and swore with the best of men and never cringed at murder. The lady pirates changed into men’s jackets, trousers, with handkerchiefs tied around their heads any time the possibility of action arose. I'm guessing Mary and Anne also knew how to handle their swords.

Mademoiselle Leverrier fought a duel with a naval officer, Duprez, who had jilted her, in 1777. Other lady duellists included Mademoiselle de Guignes, Mademoiselle d'Aiguillon, Lady Almeria Braddock, Mrs Elphinstone, Comptesse de Polignac and Marquise de Nesle.

Mary Hagidorn, armed only with a spear, helped defend a fort against British attack during the American Revolution.

Guys are you starting to see a pattern here? Women like shiny sharp pointed weapons like swords, spears or fingernails ... and history confirms they're awfully skilled at using all three.

So maybe next time you feel like complaining about everything your wife/girlfriend/fiance keeps doing wrong, try taking a deep breath instead ... and remember to keep all sharp shiny pointed objects well-hidden and out of sight.